Chocoholism Pt 3.

Dear readers,

I am sorry to inform you that alas, I have succumbed to my temptations.
I ask humbly for forgiveness from those (Mei that's you) who would not get a taste of this delectable delight because of my weakness, my ill-discipline and my inability to keep my mouth shut appropriately.

I promise to buy you more genuine hand-made chocolates from this country.
And not to eat all of them.

Chocoholism Pt 2.

Chocolate.....

I need chocolate....

This post is dedicated to all the chocolate lovers out there - I am with you!

As the stars need the moon, so I need you -
With all the breath I take, so I think of you!

OK I am getting delirious.

Chocoholism

I just realised how much of a chocoholic I am now when I discovered, to my greatest horror, that I had run out of chocolates. That was like two minutes ago, when I started tearing (not crying) and sniffing uncontrollably, felt like I would really be able to rob a poor kid of his chocolate and send him to his mum to cry, and then rob him again of that precious stuff when his mum tries to placate him by buying more.
Yup.
And then I saw the chocolates I had bought for friends and relatives back home.
No I haven't succumbed to that temptation yet. But it looks more tempting by the minute - that stash of emergency medicine looks ever so sweet, ever so melt-in-your-mouth-chockful-of-goodness-whatever-cliche-you-can-think-of alluring!
Will keep you updated on my withdrawal symptoms as they come along, later.

Scars.

I realise my tattoo has now taken on another additional meaning - it now serves to remind me of a period in my life where I was quite a different person. Subtle changes, you might think - but indelible ones in my caffeine-charged conscious-craving over-loaded brain right now.
Coupled with that song Edwin sent me years ago (Scars - by Papa Roach)... my mind's gone into overdrive.
Yeah, some songs just take on that particular meaning you want them to; the simple act of sharing a song sometimes can mean so much, to those who believe in the value and power of music.

Our time.

I was just surfing through my music library when I came across the Forrest Gump soundtrack album hidden amidst my other songs. Now I didn't take note before that it actually contains quite a few 'iconic' songs from the 60s and 70s. So yup. Led me to recollect about the movie - what it was about, when I saw it, etc. Could only remember these 'snapshots' where my parents had rented the Laser Disc (yup it was that long ago) and were watching it intently, while I actually watched only scenes of it, having been pre-occupied by the computer (yep not that long ago) and being called downstairs to forcibly watch 'cause it was 'meaningful'.
Now the point is, thinking back, did it not contain so many scenes that my parents would have been familiar with? Apart from the running with the old Nike shoes of course (the epitome of their struggle through life; never stop running, life's a marathon, etc - which happens to be one of my father's favourite quotes, and which I happen to believe in as well), or the chocolate scene (yep that chocolate quote never fails to come to mind does it), but I mean more like the whole movie, the setting, the story, everything. I don't recall many other films specifically made for that target audience - do you?

Which led me to think, of course. What would go into a movie for our generation? More specifically - those born in the '80s? Going beyond the casual(or not?) mention of the various wars America fought for 'freedom' and 'democracy', what would be a common theme that would resonate with everyone our age?

What do you think?

Leaking Leaks.

So I've been following the news more frequently than I have for the past few months. The trial of 'Scooter' Libby has particularly interested me - it's got the classic elements of betrayal, suspense, shocking revelations and all that is required of a riveting court case you don't often get to see today. (Corporate trials, however shocking the accusations, always end up in legal mumble jumble, don't you think - but that's another story)

So anyways. I'd just encourage you to follow it, for it's probably gonna make several headlines in our time, and if the victors have (or don't have) their way - a Hollywood movie decades down the road.

Oh and personal comment - I think Pampers can make an interesting advert based on this, don't you?

Missing Home.

Perhaps it's the dreadful weather, perhaps it's the horrible exam I just had, or perhaps it's the guilt I feel for not having done enough work throughout the term.

Or perhaps you just don't need any reason to miss home.

Reminiscing.

Reminiscing about the old times, you often wonder why you've made the choices you could have avoided over the years - all those mistakes, all those painful temptations you've succumbed to, all those falls you could have recovered from; all the wonderful moments you've enjoyed, despite everything that should have brought you down.

It's all in the perspective you have, isn't it?

Remembering the Past.

So sometimes, you wonder why you've chosen this path you've taken.
You wonder why you've done all that you have, so far, with no concrete results to show but for the fat you've accumulated from eating far too many chocolate cookies.
You start to doubt yourself, your ability to get out of this hole you've been digging subconciously with your lack of attention to your work and everything else.

So what do you do?
You remind yourself of what it is you're doing all this for. You dive into blogs of friends, strangers, who seem to have a grip on themselves. You read your own posts, or your diary, for all that you've written, and believed in, not that long ago.
Or you just reflect. Refresh those neuronal connections you've made throughout your years of living. Think of your family and friends - how they would react when they see you in this state, and how lucky you are to be free from their clutches.
Go out with your current friends, if you're the sociable sort, or sit down in a nice cafe, and people-watch.
Drink some mocha, for the chocolate relaxes you and the coffee invigorates you.
And listen to your favourite music - whichever helps, and has helped you, before.

Or discard all that I've just written, for it's for me, and me alone, and do what works for you.

And do wear sunscreen.

Thanks Sam.

The Veggie Cafe

Just felt like gushing about this cafe in the University, really.

It's located just outside the John Rylands University Library, for those who are studying here but do not yet know of its existence. There's a billboard outside advertising its opening hours - but I wonder how enticing the words "Veggie Cafe" can be to anyone entering the library. Or perhaps it's aimed more at the people who come out of the library after several exhausting brain-busting hours at work.

So it's a quaint little cafe. Once you enter the building and descend down a flight of stairs you'll notice how it's so different here - the lighting and heating is good, the tables are spread out in neat rows, and your phone loses its reception remarkably. Oh did I mention the serenity of it all, with some radio music in the background and a general quiet buzz emanating from the place? It just feels like you've been transported back 20 years or something, when people still returned their plates when they finished with their meals (not that the staff wouldn't clear them), the people running the place are there monday-friday, and they talk in that oh-so-beautiful english accent (just right, not that thick Northern accent where you can't decipher anything other than "yes" and "now"), replete with smiles and all. You genuinely feel they are nice people who are just running the cafe for the fun of it, not the profit-driven sort who'd smile only as they're tightly grasping the notes you've barely taken out of your wallet.

And did I mention the food? Yup I am a self-confessed carnivore who likes his meat fresh and bloody, but somehow, I can't help but enjoy the veggie soups they dish up, day after day (well at least the days I'm there). Carrot & coriander; peas and mint; lentil and some other bean; mushrooms; tomato and something that I can't discern but just tastes nice... It's just good natural food, I have to admit. I mean, this is probably one of the rare few places where I don't mind subjecting myself to the torture of not having meat for an entire meal.

And the prices are quite reasonable. A soup + bread and coffee costs just 3 pounds - compared to a subway meal of 4.80 or that spicy wings and coke. Oh and of course do compare it to the not-quite-curry at the refractory just a few steps away, that costs 30p more but tastes infinitely worse, and you get my drift.

So yep. Do pop by one day. But oh be warned. I brought two freshers there one lunchtime and one of them was like, "no meat! so ex somemore!" and seemed quite perturbed by what he was eating (an egg mayo baguette, which admittedly didn't look that nice). So yeah. Go into it with an open mind (you have been warned, it is a veggie cafe and makes no pretense about it) and you just might be rewarded.

Damn.

In one of those moods again. Where you feel nothing is going right in the world, where you start to doubt the decisions you have made thus far, where you just feel generally like the tomato that's been in your malfunctioning fridge for three weeks?

When even a 3/4 tub of ben & jerry's chocolate fudge brownie ice-cream doesn't help. When listening to happy songs like the yeah yeah yeah song doesn't soothe your wandering mind. When chatting to the people you hold dear to your heart doesn't dull the aching pain in your pre-frontal cortex.

I guess it is times like these that I look at my alcohol collection on my shelf and the absolut looks so, so enticing.

And of course am reminded of the time I tried Absolut Citron thinking it would taste remotely like lemon, and discovered to the horror of my cranial nerves that it tasted exactly like its cousin in the science lab in secondary school.

So no I'm not about to drink to drown my sorrows. Probably going to sleep now, and hopefully it'll be a good day.

Good day to you my friends.

So it is back online.

I am sorry, guys, but I will be a complete b****** here and tell you that after this long wait, I've decided not to change my blog layout. Have done only some minor HTML clean-up.
Why, you ask. Because I don't really care about how you feel about it.
Because this is, after all, my blog, and I decide what goes on it. A blog, after all, is my take on subjects, about my life, and about what I want to put on it, really.
If you do not like my tainted views, do not want to know about mundane details in my life - like how I ate 3/4 a tub of ben&jerry's chocolate fudge ice-cream just now - and do not agree with anything I say, f*** off.
As you can see I'm not in a particularly nice mood when I normally blog.
One last warning, f*** off before it is too late. Before your mind gets subverted by my psuedo-intelligent completely-baseless politically-uncorrect barely-veiled f***-all take on life.

Oh gosh I love this new start.

Welcome.

I know I promised you a new layout for the next school year, and in fact I am looking at HTML coding again, but I just felt I had to let this out.
I really, really cannot dance to R&B.
I was at Club Momo last night, this event called UK Bound. Basically there were like invited student (and semi-professional I think) bands playing 'rock' music until 10, then 'normal' music started to play on in the club while in this separate section some bands continued to play.
Once the music came on, I was like oh no. Not R&B music.
Well I endured for a while.
After deciding I couldn't take it anymore I ventured into the 'live' section. Bad mistake. There was this band where
1. Lead singer struggled under the huge weight of a simple tune
2. Guitar amps weren't configured correctly and
3. Guitarists couldn't play.
Yes not very pleasing to the ears.
So I was stuck with either
1. Terrible R&B music which you know my innate dislike for, or
2. Terrible electrical noises emitted by what were proper instruments, and a tone-deaf whiner.
I managed to stagger out of the club, ears smarting from the pain of it all, and managed to get some fresh air before I went back into the sonic-assault room.
And to think I had downed half a glass of vodka orange, some parts of a shot of vodka (don't ask, was forced to drink) and some beer.
Oh the night ended alright though, a different, more professional band had come on in the 'live' section when I revisited it. Had to go after awhile though.
SO this is a formal warning here. I will NOT dance to R&B music, and if you ever attempt to trick me into such a club you are liable to pay for damages to my ears, my brain and I will not be responsible to any physical or mental damage dealt to you in frustration.
I am being absolutely serious here.

I realise I haven't had a decent post for ages, so here's another half-baked one while I revamp my blog. (yup i'll be changing layout and all in the next few weeks - I promise! - before the next academic year starts)
I am currently back in Singapore, have been for a month (almost) now since I came back from Australia.
Yes I was in Australia for a month before that. Visited several interesting places like Sydney, Gold Coast, Tasmania and Melbourne. Yep in that order. Kinda. Sydney was like my base.
Yep so pretty much travelling I've done this past academic year, probably time for some preparation for the next one.
Nothing much has changed, I'd like to think - other than a few additional CDs in my collection, a few more pictures (Pamela, I promise I'll send the pictures to you before end Sept ;p) and much less cash in my bank.
And I'm currently back to rock (think Muse) rather than dance (cue Faithless). Well, mostly.

So please do continue visiting, I know who you are (I do have a stat-tracker ;p) and I do really appreciate you caring about my boring life, random rants and twisted thoughts, and I sincerely hope I have managed to subvert a few minds, subtly influenced a few (chocolate is good for you) and fuelled a few hundred connections in the neural connections of your brain as you've finished this piece of writing.

I am back.

Dear friends,
My laptop's screen isn't working. So I won't be able to blog, or chat, or play games for the next few days.
I think its retribution for using the com so much these few days.
Oh well.

Did you know that long beans make good snacks?
I bought a pack of trimmed long beans (on offer) at Sainsbury's a few days back, and decided to finish it just now. Basically boiled them in water. And just munched on them.
They're really quite nice leh. The crunchiness, flavour and all.
And they're full of vitamins, and provide 1 of your 5 daily servings of fruits and/or vegetables, if you eat enough of 'em.
So yeah, next time you feel like snacking, do keep a look out for long beans. A healthier alternative to that chocolate bar at the side of your computer right now. Which you're looking longingly at.

Of course, when you've finished all the chocs in your room, you have to source for alternative stress-busting foods, don't you?

I realise, for the first time in my life, I'm actually getting stressed for an academic exam. I mean seriously, this is like the first time I actually feel unprepared for one.
I have failed so many exams before, but yet, before each, I'd feel so full of confidence - pseudo-confidence, perhaps, but confidence nonetheless- yet this feeling I have right now...
I'm actually panicking.

Just felt like I should jot this down so I can remember, start of next academic year, or the semester after the next, to start studying right from the beginning.

Gosh. This feeling is scary.

Perhaps many of you have heard of the game Defence Of The Ancients (DOTA). Well it's not really a game in itself - it's modified from a map of Warcraft III. Now basically in the game, there can be up to 10 players (human or computer), 5 on each team, where you're supposed to annihilate the 'base' of the opposing team. You make use of 'heroes', which have various 'abilites' and 'spells' which you can 'cast', to, well, inflict damage on the opponent. You get money from killing 'creeps', or creatures, heroes of the opposing team, as well as from destroying structures the opposing team owns, which you use to buy items to improve your abilities.
So. Quite a few of you know that it's quite a craze amongst Singaporean students here in Manchester. There are like quite a few crazed addicts who play it every day, and even like on the eve of their exams. Me included - well, hopefully I won't play it tomorrow night.
I understand there are a few female readers of this humble blog, who may not understand why us guys (yup most of us crazed addicts are guys, though I do know of a girl who's equally fanatic about it) are so mad about it. I shall attempt to summarise, here, several reasons this is so.

1. It's a guy thing. As in, the testosterone-laden satisfaction of 'killing' somebody you know, being able to brag 'Hey I killed xxx number of heroes just now', and be respected (sorta) for it - its just like any blood-filled PC/video game out on the market this way, except that blood isn't graphically displayed here.
2. It's a team game. Basically puts you in teams where you have to work with your friends (whether you like them or not) and co-operate to achieve certain noble objectives. I'm sure a particular reason why some people like playing against computer opponents (when there aren't any human players, of course) is because it sort of shows some solidarity between the group of you playing in a team. Kinda like reminds me of army. In a weird way.
3. It's a good waste of time. I mean, it is (quite) mindless fun, and we all need to take a break from our studies/work and relax sometimes, right? And playing with others... its not as bad (and it won't make you feel as guilty) as playing some windows-based card game alone right?
4. It's a good use of the high-speed LAN connection that we have here at the University. I mean, since we're paying for it, why not utilise it right? Guess you can say it's a singaporean thing in this sense.

Hope that's a concise summary of the reasons why we play DOTA. If you do feel there are more that I've neglected to mention, please do add your comments. I'd greatly appreciate it.
;)

I realise I still haven't reached that stage of attainment where I can eat and study anatomy (with pictures of course) at the same time.
It still feels quite weird, even whilst eating just chocolate.
I guess I still need to desensitise myself more.
Next up, medium-rare steak while studying blood vessels of the thorax. Bring it on.

Oh, sorry for the (extremely) short posts lately.
In the midst of my exams and don't really feel like writing dissertations on the marvellous properties of helium, or the like.

I suddenly have this urge to read a 小说, a Chinese novel or short story.
Think it's its doing.
Hmm.

Somehow I recall this scene from The Weather Man, where the protagonist's dad tells him, "Like you, I've just gotten good with practice." Or something to the effect.
Do you think its true?
I certainly do.

I realise I'm quite a pessimist.
Before the whole singsoc saga, I was thinking - so what happens next, even if he's gone, will things improve? Will she be strong enough, brave enough, to lead the rest, unbiased by words all around?
Was really quite worried, to be honest.
I realise its too soon to say anything as of yet - nothing's been done, but already I sense a change in the whole atmosphere.
It should have been like that long ago, shouldn't it? Have fun planning for activities, organising them with zest. Not pressure alone.
And since we're now all in it together - there's no dartboard to aim at anymore (albeit a rainbow-coloured over-sized one incessantly shouting 'shoot me!'), let's hope we'll be able to work together despite our differences.
And with people like Sam and I behind, I think it'll work out fine, honestly. Pessimistic thoughts aside.

Don't get lost in the present.
It will all fall in place, one day.

Purpose.

Just have to remind myself sometimes. I realise I'm getting lost amongst all this excitement and fear.

Thoughts of the future creep back into my head.
Clawing at the jaws of sanity
They murmur,
Is he there yet?
Should we masquerade this cup
Of bergamot* we have
His yearnings not yet seen?

*Some researchers contend that bergamot is addictive. Which explains the large following of earl grey-sipping primly ladies who carry frilly umbrellas and wear over-sized hats.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You see why I dislike poetry? Or pseudo-poetry, or prose masquerading as poetry.
Its so open to interpretation. You can either, from the above,
1. Think I am schizo, and give a detailed explanation why you think so.
2. Critique the piece as
a) An unpolished gem of a work
b) Total rubbish not worth wasting your time on.
3. Regard it as total rubbish anyway AND think I'm getting mad.

I'm still perfectly fine, by the way. Just picking out random words floating around in my brain now. After all, words are but tools to be used and abused, aren't they?
Pesky subjects and messy servants - but wondrous toys, words are.

I realise I need a prod.
A painful kick in the butt to warn me to buck up, or else.

Is it only me or did my brain associate the two.
Not good, this is.
Need to cram more info into my brain. Need to find out more about how the heart and lungs work, and stop this bulls***.

Hurtling into uncertainty
I am
Certain of but one thing
Full-circle this will come
To haunt me.

Interesting ey. The stuff you come up with when you're stressed.

Exams start on Monday.
And yet I have so, so many things on my mind.

I realise I've been hanging out too often with Singaporeans (and Malaysians).
I've lost my pseudo-British accent.
Was speaking, rather, trying to speak, with this elderly half-deaf patient when I realised this.
Not good.

Fun with Music

Instructions: Dig out your music player under the bed and put it on shuffle. If there isn't any shuffle mode on it, it means it's about time you get a new one. Say the following questions aloud, making sure nobody's around you, in case you're mistaken as being crazy. Press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. Oh, and no cheating please.

How does the world see me?
So Nice (Samba de Verao) - Eliane Elias
Haha... This sounds promising

Will I have a happy life?
Better Together - Jack Johnson
Hmm. ;)

What do my friends think of me?
It's My Life - Bon Jovi
Arrogant? Withdrawn, perhaps? That I want to lead my own life? Hmm.

Do people secretly lust after me?
There She Goes - Sixpence None The Richer
Haha... Shan't comment ;)

How can I make myself happy?
Pushing The Senses - Feeder
Perhaps I should, eh. And perhaps I will, in my future career. Or life.

What should I do with my life?
Laura - Scissor Sisters
OK this doesn't make sense. Next one...

Someday - Embrace
Interesting - go have a look at the lyrics ;)

Will I ever have children?
For One Night Only - Bodyrockers
Hmm.
;)

What is some good advice for me?
This Love - Maroon 5
...

How will I be remembered?
Return to Oz - Scissor Sisters
Perhaps we all will, one day.

What is my signature dancing song?
We Come 1 - Faithless
Oh yeah, a dance song! Yes give me house and you'd have a better chance of seeing me dancing :P

What do I think my current theme song is?
Quutamo - Apocalyptica
Hmm. Kinda I guess. Go figure.

What does everybody think my current theme song is?
Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
Haha... hopefully not now eh ;)

What song will be played at my funeral?
Demon Days - Gorillaz
!!!

What type of men/women do I like?
You're Beautiful - James Blunt
Yup I like beautiful women. And no I don't mean appearances. ;p

What is my day going to be like?
Never Know - Jack Johnson
Haha... how apt.

Realised on the way back today that I've spent 8 months here already.
Wow.

In the end, its not the effort that you put in, its the results that matter.
1 1/2 days of running around looking for sponsors, countless more hours spent typing emails to various sources of funding and persuading people to turn up...
9 people, and 1 lousy voucher from a travel agency.
I sometimes wonder if I'm doing too much for no recognition.

I guess I'm glad I have a clear conscience though.

Hello everyone! I'm back from my trip.
Just to update you : I actually took the Eurostar to Belgium to meet Deb on the 8th, went to Cologne in Germany on the 9th and 10th, back to Belgium, then on to Barcelona from the 12th to 20th. Back to belgium on the 20th, when I came back on the same day.
Anyways.
Will write more on my experiences when I feel like it ;)
Oh but to summarise, Brussels, Leuven and Genk were just so picturesque (to borrow deb's words ;)); Cologne was a shopping heaven (should have bought more stuff there!!) and Barcelona was so much like Singapore I felt like I was home! Nice weather and all... Sigh beginning to miss home more already.
Shall blog more later ;)

So I'm in one of those moods again.
Where emotions overcome, passion overflows and I'm at a loss of words.
Do you ever get one of these moods?
Where your feelings overwhelm you. You feel like saying, Thanks, and have a good day, to all that you're close to.
Perhaps its because I'm high on chocolates.
Or maybe its because after marvelling at them, savouring every one of them, and thinking of the time my friends have spent selecting them - I'm sure their choices weren't random - I just feel so thankful I have so many friends over here.
Sure we all have different personalities; we may not yet be bosom friends who know exactly what each other are thinking - but in the end, does it matter?
Is it not the genuine friendship we share that matters? That which is not tainted by societal pressures, hidden motives and sinister sniping behind artificial smiles?

And I've not forgotten about you, friends in singapore. I believe distance is relative - I may be 13 hours, or a few seconds away with a simple phonecall.
We may both be busy with our lives, but believe me when I say that you're an integral part of my life no matter where you are. My brother may have lost my phone (and with it all your contact numbers) but be assured I'll make every effort to contact every one of you when I'm back.
Ed that includes you; ayline eh I'll type an email to u soon hehe.

Mark: Sorry I can't attend your graduation (wanted to be back in time for my mum's birthday) but you'll know I'll be there in spirit. Plus US is just a few hours away, christmas perhaps? ;)

Pamela: I'll see you in june/july, we'll catch up more then ;) Not that we'll stop chatting in the meantime lah ;p

LM: There are too many people reading this blog, so I'll spare the goosebumps for everyone else and just say this. I love you.

Mei: You know I may not say this, but it is especially in these past few months that I realise how much I love and miss everyone. Help me convey this to Ma and Pa somehow yah ;p

Yup one of those moods again.

And now that I've the time to blog, I have to say, I'm really relieved this whole paper-writing thing is done.
4123 words leh.
So damn long... so many papers to read... couldn't go out, felt stressed and all last weekend.
Strangely though, now I feel so empty. Tired, perhaps, from the 3-4 hours of sleep I managed to get this morning and the sleep deficit I've accumulated throughout the week; feeling abit down, maybe, as the caffeine and chocolate high I had from this morning's gone and coke's not absorbed yet.
Hmm.

I realise that I may be addicted to the thrill of completing things at the last minute. Completed my paper today at 3:15pm, went to stopford building to print it and reached at 3:30pm. Went into Microlab 3, this computer lab near the entrance. Discovered I couldn't print.
Thought OK, there's still another lab. Went to above-mentioned lab (microlab 4). Yay. After some minor alterations to my document (am using openoffice) printed a copy.
Tried to print another as we need to submit two. Couldn't.
Discovered my credit was negative. Checked time: 415pm.
Ran up to common room where there's a stall selling drinks and stuff, bought a coke, ran down to top up printing credit. (The machine's in microlab 3.)
Ran back to Microlab 4, managed to print out another copy.
Time check: 430pm.
Went to bind my stuff - long queue. Decided I might as well drink my coke, since I'd bought it.
Went up to submit after it was done : 450pm.
Deadline for submission was 5pm.

For some reason i couldn't help smiling throughout the whole process.

Oh no.

Thanks everyone. :D

Quotes of the day!
This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. - Wolfgang Pauli (1900 - 1958), on a paper submitted by a physicist colleague
Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything. - John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - )
[Poetry] is the lava of the imagination whose eruption prevents an earthquake. - Lord Byron (1788 - 1824)
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. - Fletcher Knebel
I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some. - Herbert Rappaport
A lost battle is a battle one thinks one has lost. - Ferdinand Foch (1851 - 1929)

Get them from Quotationspage

Yeah that was lame I know.
But seriously. Did I blog something about jokes before? In case you haven't read that, I once borrowed this book from the library, written by this jewish author, on jokes. Analysing the reasons why jokes are funny, why we find certain jokes funny but not anothers, and the like.
Gave some concrete examples of Jewish jokes which I didn't find any funny at all. Well I guess which proved his point.
But thing is, I didn't get Any of his jokes in the book. It was written quite some decades ago, but do jokes really change so fast?
I mean, I have quite an old-school sense of humour I believe (my toot-ness) so eh. Does dissecting a joke really remove the humour from it? (yeah med and/or health science students might get this one)
Oh well.

You know, its quite weird how the Brits are known for their dry humour. I mean, with the constantly overcast weather and incessant drizzle, you would expect a lot more moisture in their humour wouldn't you?
And yet the Americans are the ones who excel at telling dirty jokes.
I really wonder why.

I believe I'm currently on a high from eating a rich icing-coated carrot-and-walnut-cake with lots of sugar innit, and reading silly lame jokes.
I believe the world is round, the sky is blue, and I am hallucinating.
I can bet this cake contains quite a bit of alcohol.

Now that I've sufficiently recovered from my illness (I feel) and nasty experience at the GP, I can objectively write about what I've been through the past few days.
Can't remember when my illness started. Must have been quite long, as some of you remember. Started off with sore throat, occasional stomach upsets, nausea and lethargy, generally. And some episodes of fever.
On Sunday night it reached 38 degrees. I was like, OK, need to see a doc. Called to say I needed an urgent appointment, was told by the nurse I would have to go at 12:45 and still have to wait. (It was 830am.)
Thought hey, at least I've an appointment for the day itself, not like the previous time where they said I'd hafta wait 2 weeks. Yeah seriously. So reached there around 12:15pm.
Got a queue number, waited.. hey I actually got called in at 12:50pm! Thought to myself, not bad.
Well guess what. Objectively speaking, the GP was the worst doctor I've seen in my life.
EVERYTHING we've been taught not to do, she did; EVERYTHING we were instructed to do, she didn't.
Let me describe.
Look of disdain - irritation, even? - "So what's wrong with you?"
"I've got a sore throat for the past few weeks, some episodes of stomach upset, and fever, etc..." Tried to explain.
Got cut off in less than a minute.
By this curt nod. And her rising off her perch.
Walked over, without a smile (and slight look of irritation?? on her face) and felt for the lymph nodes in my neck. Painfully. "You feel pain there?"
"Aaaah! Yes..."
Curt nod again. Shone torch in both pupils. Rotated my head around (?? Someone tell me why??)
And then wrote down a prescription. Said to me, "Take these, 21, and you will be fine."
Antibiotics. No mention of completing the course, taking how many times a day, etc.
Yes just antibiotics. Nothing for fever and sore throat. Well nothing for analgesia/pain relief lah.
End of appointment.

I was like. WTF man.
Its been 3 days and I'm still smarting over it. You know I actually think it might be the first case of discrimination I've encountered? She was an Indian female in her 50s or 60s, and I heard laughter when the previous patient was in the room. An Indian, obviously.
Yes you know me, I usually am Completely colour-blind and completely imperceptive when it comes to such stuff.
I was that affected.

But.
Logically thinking, it can't be discrimination, since racism is well and truly wiped out in this free country.
So it all boils down to medical professionalism, and doctor-patient communication.
One of the core reasons why doctor-patient communication is so much emphasised in our curriculum.

Oh by the way I'm sufficiently recovered, fever's more or less gone and throat's feeling much better. Can swallow solid food now ;)

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Its snowing!!! YAY!!!! :D
Ventured out into the snow to do my laundry today. Thought I'd wear a little more, with jeans replacing my shorts. Slippers still on.
I'm glad I returned in one piece, with my toes still intact.
But it was fun hehe!
:D

Just felt like watching a movie this whole week. Escape from reality for that few minutes, really.
Finally got the chance to, just now. Watched The Weather Man.
Go watch it.
For some reason I just felt like saying, Love you, Mum. And Dad. And my whole family.
In fact, to everyone I know. I love you all.
Its never too late to say "I love you" to anyone you love, really.

Words of interest for today:
Jobernowl - Blockhead
Logodaedalus - Someone skilled in the manipulative use of words
Incompossible - Incapable of co-existing
Supernaculum - To the last drop

;)

Its strange how things turn out in the end.
I got rejected in my application for Lemington, the house (hall accommodation) I was to share with the girls (and guy).
This might seem hypocritical, but seriously, if my application had gone through successfully, I wouldn't have known how to decide. I took such a long time to submit the form, precisely because I thought I'd made up my mind, but then this alternative popped up.
Basically I'm sharing a flat with 2 other medics, nice place, carpark spaces, ensuite toilet, and its ground floor with a porch that opens up into the carpark so bbq is possible ;)
Oh kitchen, dryer, washing machine, fridge and freezer provided, utility bill is capped for the year.
But yeah. If I had gotten Lemington, I would really have been torn - would i honour a promise I'd made, or go for a decidedly better option?
Hmm. What do you think, my friends.

I have to confess, I am not an altrustic person. I do not want to know every detail of your life, I do not want to be the person that your pour your heart out to.
I get the impression you want my empathy, you want me to care, you want me to be a pillar of support behind that fragile wall.
Don't you understand I can't? I'm not as nice a person I seem to be. I dictate how my heart works, and I have to cage it, sometimes. I just don't have the capacity to care for you if I don't feel I can count on you.
Yes I am a mercurial person, didn't you know that?
Yes I do have a barometer when it comes to making soulmates - if you don't fit my criteria, if you don't know what you want in life, if I don't agree with your goals in life, I'm sorry but I can't trust you with the depths of my heart.
Murky as they are.

Just feel like letting this out, really. Aforementioned person doesn't know of the existence of this blog, I hope.
Come to think of it, I don't care if he/she knows. I'm really tired of distancing myself when I haven't had the need to do so ever before.

Feeling sorry, isolated and alone
Out in this wilderness of a winter wonderland
I search for my sweet cherry
Buried beneath layers of filth.
I'm not an innocent boy after all,
Much as I try to make it true.

It snowed today. I missed most of it.

There are some days which are just wretched, aren't there? Where despite doing everything that's cheered you up in the past, you just can't seem to right any wrong? When even the fresh unsullied snow mocks you instead of lightening that oppresive load on your mind?

Sigh. Another one of those days.

I have this thing about watches.
I remember in the past, when I was in primary and even secondary school (started from p4 I think) I used to change watches once a year. Yah quite a waste of money come to think of it. But my excuse then to my mum would always be, the battery's running out! (And indeed they Do run out after one year, or thereabouts) And she would bring me shopping for watches. One of the rare things I liked to shop for. Yes I hated shopping.
Oh she would always bring me to this small shop in Thomson Plaza, which sold, and still sells I think, Casio watches. Authorised dealer leh. So yah, I would just go there, happily choose a watch, be told it doesnt look nice on me, insist on it, and get it. I guess I sorta knew the price range my mum was looking at too, and 'upgraded' my watches like slowly, as I grew up.
Oh approaching JC I had this stainless steel watch which I kept for two years. Loved it, but it got lost in the army. Sigh.
Bought my first watch, using my own money, in the army. Cost me a bomb then, like, 3/4 of my allowance.
Promised myself then that I'll wear it for as long as I can - and I still am wearing it. In fact, I don't think I'll ever change it - I have another one for more formal events [yup thanks for the watch guys ;) ] and that might change as I conform to societal pressures - but this one will always be with me. Heck I'll keep it in a glass box or something if its beyond reasonable repair.
Yup I just like the versatility of it - the stainless steel and 'hands' giving it some form of sensibility; the alternating rubber pieces showing my individualistic side (conforming, yet rebelling, at the same time); the electronic functions, and the digital time shown, lurking beneath its sensible exterior; the horribly loud colours of the backlight (purple and green) providing conversational topics (I like it despite its flaws)...
I just love my watch.

No this is not some random rant or egoistic display of pretentious pride, btw, though I do love my watch.

What you need to do is to look into his or her eyes, listen to what he/she is saying, and make him/her believe he/she is the only one in the world worth listening to - the focal point of the universe - in that whole conversation. Suspend all personal beliefs temporarily; take note of every detail he/she is saying; show that you are taking note.
Then if you want to disagree, don't take a stand. Let him/her take it. Ask him/her questions that prove the validity of his/her statement. Ask nicely. Show that you are really interested in the statement - believe it is true - but just want to clarify some simple doubts about certain minute details.
Applying this to a large group - speak to each and every member of the audience. Converse with them, with your eyes. Don't look through them as if they are ants in a horde, waiting to bite at every wrong word you utter - look at them. You are on their side.
And wear a suit.

Yup too much coffee again. Just thinking aloud, in general. And yeah I admit I do do the above, sometimes when I talk to you, my dear friends. And I know this might sound quite artificial now, but that is because I really want to get to know you better, no ulterior motives like getting a raise or something for me. There is a reason why I've taken my blog add off my friendster profile - I've let you, yup you selected few, know of the existence of this blog because I want you to know me.
I'm not really a good person either - I assume a different exterior, one that perhaps people just want to know - but I know I don't have any regrets in what good friends I've made over the years, and whom I've let slip my innermost feelings and thoughts.

Don't know why, but I recall this moment when Shumei and I were having this conversation in this quaint little cafe (Big Hands) near university. There were people around, so I started using words like "copulation" and "declarations of love" hoping nobody'd notice such archaic language.
Hoping lah.
But yeah. She said something in response I'd remember for life - "What declarations of love lah, copulation lah... Yuan.. why you so toot one?"
But I am, what. Don't see why I should change this side of myself.
;)

I'm down with the flu.
Well, technically, I don't know for sure, since I only have a running nose, slight cough and fever. And haven't had any tests done to confirm whether I've been infected by a virus, bacteria, fungus or other assorted micro-organisms.
But yeah. Tried to sleep the whole day off today. Drank like 6 litres of water? Tried to flush out everything, basically.
And had ice-cream, chocolates and 2 bananas in strawberry and toffee sauce.
I need the energy to fight the infection lah. Staving off invaders is quite tiring for the defenders of your immune system you know.
But yeah. Declared to all and sundry that I'm sick (on msn), and a senior msged me, asking if I was lovesick.
No I'm not, but it definitely doesn't help.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Erm yeah. I do realise also that I derive pervese pleasure from throwing out pseudo-cheem english phrases and words in my writing. Somehow it helps me let off steam lah.
Please forgive me yah? If I've hurt you, my reader, unwittingly, I sincerely apologise for my lack of decorum, good taste (in words) and a fake arrogance I can't take off my persona.
Sorry lah.

And to prove that my mind is still working, here's one example of what I've just memorised:
You know the mucociliary escalator I was writing about the last time? The swallowing of assorted bacteria, dust and the debris your vacuum cleaner missed the last time you swiped it on the floor? Well it doesn't just work from nose to gullet. It also works from lungs to gullet. So basically you swallow all of the above, AND that damn chemical you smelled and swore never to get close to again in the secondary school/JC science lab.

On a lighter note, we have such a great immune system that we can afford the over 50 million macrophages (blood cells that 'eat' bacteria and assorted junk) that perish in that same mucus each day after doing what it is they're supposed to do.

Oh you don't want to hear about disgusting mucus anymore? OK then, here's another interesting tidbit. If your lungs ever collapse (due to various reasons, like a stab to the chest) it is relatively easy to remove the air in your pleural cavity. Basically you just need to stick a tube (after adminstering local anasthetics, of course) and let the air and/or blood flow out. Your lungs will 'reinflate' after some time.

And if ever you feel that you should take up smoking, here's another interesting one: if you are male, 15-30, and smoke heavily, you're more likely to suffer from a spontaneous pneumothorax. Basically means your lungs will 'deflate' (sorta) for no reason.
Of course you might die from it.


And yes I do realise I'm posting quite morbid stuff. But are we not morbid creatures seeking to run free, underneath all that mascara and machismo?

I feel old, immature, brash, indecisive, soothed, yet rumpled. All at the same time.

And I feel like getting a car. :(

I was in a dream of my own
Wandering through the aimless night
When you called my name.
Once, twice - I heard it resonate in the sky
Seeing it, hearing it.

I've not fallen to such depths
Of this abyss so sweet
Enveloping, distracting, basking me in its cold hard shadow
Oh so sweet.

Such a mishmash, such a mess
Such is the sweet sugar of love.
So powerful, so non-dimensional,
Yet so very real.

Can I be sure of hers
Mine, or the eyes of others lying so distant
They could never know?

Oh how I am struck by the pangs of love
Clawing, tearing, decimating.
Oh sweet, sweet love.


Wonder how a psychologist would read into this.
Oh was studying in the library today (still am at the time of writing) and felt bored. Started writing and hey it developed a mind and momentum of its own. Perhaps partially fuelled by Faithless, chocolate-covered coffee beans and Skittles. And pure, unadulterated boredom, of course.

You know how some people just make you let down your guard subconsciously, implacably, insuperably?
How he/she breaks down that sky-high wall you've constructed around yourself to prevent those darn chemicals from seeping in - with so much ease that you wonder why you built them in the first place?
How he/she makes you lose that last ounce of self-control you possessed when dealing with people.
How he/she unleashes the darkest secrets you've kept buried deep beneath the murky depths of your heart.
How he/she makes you realise how vulnerable you really are, beneath that dark exterior - that masquerade mask you constantly wear - up till now.

How he/she makes you consume just that one more bar of chocolate without feeling any guilt whatsoever.

;)

http://netdoctor.msn.co.uk/uk/msn/news/index.jsp?id=6943&D=23&M=1&Y=2006

Hmm.

Perhaps I should really make a top 50 songlist. OK here's one then. Wanted to rank them but realised I really can't do so. I really like these songs, all of them.
1. Howie Day - Collide
2. Embrace - Gravity
3. Audioslave - Be Yourself
4. Snow Patrol - How To Be Dead
5. Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated
6. Bodyrockers - I Like The Way
7. Jack Johnson - Banana Pancakes
8. Papa Roach - Scars
9. Apocalyptica - Ruska
10. Faithless - Don't Leave
11. The Eagles - Hotel California
12. Led Zepplin - Stairway To Heaven
13. Jars Of Clay - Love Song For A Saviour
14. 3 Doors Down - Be Like That
15. Lifehouse - You And Me
16. Fun Lovin' Criminals - I'm Not In Love
17. Fatboy Slim feat. Macy Gray - Demons
18. Britney Spears - Toxic
19. Simple Plan - Perfect
20. Green Day - Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)
21. Cake - I Will Survive
22. Smashmouth - I'm A Believer
23. Creed - One Last Breath
24. Dido - Thank You
25. Five For Fighting - Superman (It's Not Easy)
26. Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out
27. Gomez - Shot Shot
28. Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
29. Hoobastank - The Reason
30. Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl
31. Maria Mena - You're The Only One
32. Massive Attack - Angel
33. Moby - Porcelain
34. Norah Jones - Come Away With Me
35. Oasis - Don't Look Back In Anger
36. Our Lady Peace - Whatever
37. Robbie Williams - She's The One
38. Scissor Sisters - Filthy/Gorgeous
39. Sepultura - Roots Bloody Roots
40. Maxi Jazz feat. Robbie Williams - My Culture
41. Prodigy - Firestarter
42. The Chemical Brothers - Hey Boy Hey Girl
43. U2 - Beautiful Day
44. Avril Lavigne - I'm With You
45. Coldplay - Yellow
46. Audioslave - Show Me How To Live
47. Fatboy Slim - Slash Dot Slash
48. Chantal Kreviatzuk - Leaving On A Jet Plane
49. Fun Lovin' Criminals - Scooby Snacks
50. Basement Jaxx - Do Your Thing

Sorry ah kiezin only read your blog today and knew i kena meme-ed heh.
Alright here goes then. (Sam I'll do urs later heh)
Rules:
1. Post the top 20 OR 30 OR 50 most frequently played songs in your player for the past one year.
2. Name five victims to pass the game on.

OK here are my top 50 songs (in alphabetical order of artists):
1. 3 Doors Down - Better Life
2. 8mm - Nobody Does It Better
3. Apocalyptica - Epilogue (Relief) [Reflections]
4-5. Apocalyptica - Life Burns!; Ruska [Apocalyptica]
6-12. Audioslave - Cochise, Show Me How To Live, Gasoline, What You Are, Like A Stone, Getaway car, The Last Remaining Light [All from album: Audioslave]
13-14. Audioslave - Be Yourself, Doesn't Remind Me [Album: Out Of Exile]
15. Basement Jaxx - Do Your Thing
16-17. Blur - Crazy Beat, Sweet Song [Album: Think Tank]
18. Blur - Song 2
19-21. Bodyrockers - Handel On Your Face, I Like The Way, Round and Round
22. Bread - Make It With You
23. Britney Spears - Toxic
24. Cake - I Will Survive
25-26. The Calling - Wherever You Will Go, Stigmatized (Album: Camino Palmero)
27. Chantal Kreviatzuk - Leaving On A Jet Place
28. Charles Wright & The Watts 103rd Street Rhythm Band - Express Yourself (Mocean Worker Remix)
29. Christina Aguilera - Beautiful
30. Coldplay - Yellow
31-34. Creed - With Arms Wide Open, Higher, One Last Breath, My Sacrifice
35. Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter (Acoustic Version)
36. Daniel Powter - Bad Day
37. Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated
38-39. Dave Matthews Band - 41, Crash Into Me
40. Death In Vegas - Hands Around My Throat
41-42. Dido - Here With Me, Thank You
43-44. Dire Straits - Romeo And Juliet, Brothers In Arms
45. Dope - No Chance
46. The Dysfunctional Psychedelic Waltons - Payback Time
47. Eagle-eye Cherry - Save Tonight
48-50. Eagles - Hotel California, Desperado, Get Over It

How ah. I'm still stuck at E.

On a lighter note, the skiing trip was AWESOME.
Picked up skiing again, and by the end of the week was skiing down slopes so steep they'd need an hour and a few hundred calories (not to mention litres of water) to climb.
Got so high skiing down those same slopes at such high speeds, yet knowing I could control how I'd end up1 at the bottom (but for once) that I ended up doing more than 10 ski runs a day on the final few days. Yep basically took different chair lifts (those dangling thingies) up various slopes2, and whizzed down them feeling absolutely exhilarated.
And it wasn't just the skiing that was good. Dinner we had each night was absolutely amazing - got to try different dishes like paella, meat fondue3, marvellous steaks and amazingly fresh oysters. Was looking forward to trying something different every night.
And the company was great too. Mark, with two of his cambridge female friends...
Oh did I mention I got to use ALL of my medication I brought along for the first time? The dressings and antiseptic cream; the bo zhai pills; the medicated oil... Panadol was almost used too. Damn drama-packed trip, with one female friend suffering from various ailments, not to mention our getting injured in various places and suffering from assorted strained muscles, of course.

Absolutely amazing trip, I tell you.

____________________________________________________________________
1 Still standing, but of course.
2 Some classified "advanced" - for advanced skiiers.
3 Meat fondue, apparently, is really just (slightly marinated) meat dipped in hot oil. Yes not kidding.

A cascade of events
So unpredictable.
Don't know how it started
Or its torturous ending.
Never anticipating; yet always knowing,
How a trip like this would but sadly end.

I should really stop being so nice.

Yes I seem to be fairly stressed recently. I'm going on a ski trip from tomorrow to next sunday, and my exam's on the wednesday after the next.
Yes I'm nowhere near completing my studying.
Yes I'm starting to panic. Just that wee bit.
Yes I'll be bringing my books along to study on the trip, don't you worry.

:P

You know, sometimes the weirdest situations can inspire some good mental exercise. Like just now, when I was sick of studying, had had a meal at Macs, and was walking back in the cold¹, I actually started reflecting on the past year. On how I'm like as a person. How people might perceive me. And the like.
Perhaps the firing of random neurons is one of the ways our body creates warmth and maintains normal body temperature - mental exercise may just be as efficient as the mild physical exertions² you do when you're cold.
I mean seriously, we all know when our mind is focused on something, we tend to forget the various stimuli around us right?
Don't you think this is a reasonable extension of that common phenomenon? The physical and apparent manifestation of but yet another homeostatic mechanism in our iniquitously complicated bodies?
__________________________________________________________________
¹With cup of cold Coke in my hand. Which definitely didn't help the circulation in my hands.
²Like shivering, lah.

It has really been a great year, 2005.
Went to London, then Sheffield (and Peterborough), then London again, then back to Sheffield! In the space of 2 weeks. Which was extremely fun, heart-warming, and... just great, really.
Visited my parents' friend's family (and his brother's family), my aunt(+husband) from Australia (and her daughter + husband, yep the one who lives in London), Deb and Jessica.
*contented sigh*

And its not just the past 2 weeks. The whole year... its been really eventful. Perhaps one of the best years of my life up to now in fact. Shall elaborate when I feel more... reflective.

Now I'm happy just to bask in my contentment and enjoyment of this wonderful moment. :)

Its just pure unadulterated joy when you receive a package. Perhaps part of it is derived from the anticipation - will it come, or won't it? when will it come? Or perhaps it is more to do with the element of surprise, just as you think you don't have a parcel after all, but still check the noticeboard anyways, there! You see your name! Imagine the surprise and delight. Imagine the glee as you discover it is, indeed, for you.
I just looooooove receiving parcels.
Thank you Christina :D

Now that everything's done and I've time to blog, I feel its convenient to remember that I went on a road trip on Saturday. Yup rented a car with 4 other friends, and went driving to several places.
Well we'd planned to drive to Bath only initially, 'cause of its Christmas Market, but decided it'd be too much of a waste renting a car for 55 pounds (for the weekend) so yeah. Planned to go to several other cities at the same time.
So yep covered Strafford(-on-Avon), Cardiff, Bath and Bristol (in that order). Cardiff and Bristol we just drove around, parked the car in some illegal spot and popped down for a while - Cardiff 'cause we were stuck in a jam going there and were rushing to Bath; Bristol 'cause it was dark and it looked real boring.
But yeah. The cities/towns were cool!
And I drove for part of the way back! Manual car leh. Max speed 110 miles per hour. Haha yeah you go calculate. But for the most part kept to the speed limit of 70 miles lah.
Quite fun actually, considering the fact I've never driven a manual after the test.

Watched Miss Saigon today!
The guy playing the Engineer was damn good.
Oh I've discovered the ultimate combination : Dark chocolate with cherries.
Both ingredients are readily available from your local supermarket - like I bought mine from Tesco's - and you can eat in as crude or sophisticated a way you want¹, but the effect works just the same. Its a great depression-buster, and as long as you are secure in the fact that you need to consume 3500 calories to gain a pound (0.45kg), and that 100g² of (tesco's) dark chocolate contains only 490 calories, you need not feel guilty at all about it.
I believe the brands of chocolate you get in Singapore taste better too. But oh make sure it contains more than 70% cocoa. The contrast will be all the more sharper, and the enjoyment you glean from eating such a sinfully sweet delight will be all the more intense.
Yummy.
__________________________________________________________________
¹I choose to eat in a crude, but time-saving way - popping a chunk of dark chocolate into my mouth, then a cherry. Taking care not to chew on the pit of course.
²Typically equivalent to 8 chunks, each chunk containing 4 'squares'.

You know after all this trouble I went to, the tutor wasn't at the lesson today.
Fucking hell.

Was reading up today for tuesday's case when I realised why NUS (and elsewhere) only offers top students (academically and otherwise) for medicine¹. You really have to study so much for med. I know this may sound very bhb, as a med student, but I think many med students articulate this idea thru physical manifestations like developing white hair, suffering from stress and depression, and becoming caffeine addicts.
Seriously. Its like, after reading up so much and taking stock of what I've covered in the weeks before, I've realised that I really am lagging behind. In terms of each topic - be it bone ossification, embryological development, immunology, or ageing, as I'm reading up now - the amount of stuff to be covered is just daunting.
No I'm not getting disheartened by the mountains of knowledge that are in the library I have yet to discover, its more like, wow. I really have been slacking for far too long. The isolated nights spent in the library studying - I'm actually proud of them, when others probably regard nightly visits to the library (or spent studying at home) as 'normal', and would be aghast at the amount of time I waste chatting online and doing assorted time-consuming stuff that have no benefit to my studies, or otherwise.

I now postulate several reasons why doctors are perceived as aloof and distant -
1. They are aloof. 'Cause with the enormous amount of information you know, as well as the knowledge that you can actually save or treat a person, some people may be so secure in their status that they become too self-confident. Feel that some people really waste their own lives by destroying themselves with alcohol and drugs. Or give up on themselves (when they're sick) with no apparent reason.
2. They lose the 'human touch', the social interaction that everyone needs outside his or her occupation. Basically they lose empathy in the eyes of their patients.
I believe this perception of doctors is changing - rather, most doctor and educators are actively trying to change this perception. I don't know about other schools, but here they seem to stress a lot about empathising with the patient and communication skills. How to make people feel they are being listened to. How to treat illnesses psychologically as well as medically.

Hmm veered off topic there. But yeah. Did I tell you I had an interview with my tutor on Friday? He told me I was too quiet, not actively participating in class discussions. Wanted me to speak up more, especially in the next session, or he'd give me a mark for PBL that's in the last 10% of the cohort.
I realise he doesn't see why I haven't been speaking up, and shall have to show him some 'power' on tuesday. But I guess he was correct when he said I have to re-examine the reasons (for myself) why I haven't spoken up often (though I must stress, I have when the need arises). I'm too nice - I put too much emphasis on group harmony and don't like discord. And of course, more importantly, I haven't read up enough.
I realise there are members in the group who always seem to cover what I've covered - and much more.
And no they're not no-life creatures who spout medical phrases (and only medical facts) and spend their eternal life in libraries huddled in the most obscure corners - a particularly brilliant one is a sportswoman who's in the school hockey team and medic's football team, I think, as well.
I realise I've just got to organise my time more efficiently.
Holidays are coming up - I really need to think of timetables as schedules that help me, and not weird contraptions mad scientists with frizzly hair use such that they do not forget to brush their teeth at regular intervals.

_______________________________________________________________
¹And its not just medicine. I believe it applies just as well to pretty much any other subject which requires intense memory work. Like law, chemical engineering, and biomedical sciences. The list isn't exhaustive.

After months and months of searching, I've finally found a pair of shoes that I like!!! YAY!!!! :D

My father once expounded this fact of marriage to me: You just have to keep on falling in love with your partner - again and again - for your marriage to work.
Today, I found out that it applies just as well to the subject I've chosen to study.
Last night (this morning, rather), a friend suddenly complained of chest pain just after we played a computer game. I was damn worried¹ and rushed to his room, you know, just in case I had to do something drastic, ie, CPR.
Thankfully nothing happened, and he seemed alright after that, but it really reminded me of how important what I had learnt was.
You know, somehow, subconsciously, I've spent the night here at the library studying with renewed vigour, when I had lost quite some motivation to study the past week. Its as though an important stimulus has triggered my brain cells to proliferate the sense of urgency that I've been lacking the past few weeks².
I guess for whatever subject you're doing, you just have to search for - or just notice - your own stimuli that you need from what's happening around you.
And mei, it doesn't have to be medicine or any health-related occupation - just recognise and realise what you are really interested in (for pa it was the structures around him, for me its the people in my life) - and choosing a course won't be much of a difficult decision.
You have four months for you to explore all the options out there - for NUS, application deadline is 1st April, for UK its june - and I'm sure you'll find the right one. (No I'm not pressurising you :P)
And to the rest of my friends, I'm sure you've found your reason for whatever it is you're doing - if not yet, I'm sure you will soon. :)

Yup feeling particularly pensive today.

________________________________________________________________
¹ From what he described, I couldnt be sure whether it was angina, or just something less malignant.
² Yes I'm studying cancer and cell proliferation now.

Went out with two friends on friday night, somehow ended up in a big tesco which sold lots of yummy chocolate desserts.
Didn't know a friend - well, senior, technically, Exactly one year older than I am, in fact - had a weakness for chocolate too.
And made a huge mistake - I should really have stopped a friend from bringing a trolley in, when I knew the consequences - and we ended up buying 6 desserts. Yeah mostly chocolate ones.
Went back to said senior's place, made another huge mistake in opening the seals from all the desserts.
After two desserts, we actually got so sick of them that we had to play assorted games like Indian poker, table tennis and table soccer to finish them.

Seriously, you can get sick of too much chocolate. Even for a chocolate lover like me. And you know how much of a chocolate lover I am, so yeah.
Put me off chocolatey stuff for a whole day.

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Right.....

I'm now treasurer.
Interesting ah, I'm treasurer again after all these years.

Decided to pamper myself today. Bought some mixed seafood (squid, mussels, prawn - from sainsbury's) and beansprouts, cooked myself laksa! Had resisted the urge to utilise the laksa mix Mum had sent me until now.
Niiiiiiiiiiceeeeeeeeeee!
:D

It snowed today!!! YAY!!!!!!!
Pity I couldn't capture any good photos today though, had quite some work to rush through (studying) before I left for dissection lesson.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh I've decided to run for VP.

Was cooking noodles just now when I realised something - you don't need chicken (meat) to actually cook chicken soup noodles. You just need chicken stock.¹
Which made me think.
You don't need love, you just need a semblance of it.
Indeed, why do we seek that elusive thing called 'love' when it is all around us?

And of course, you don't need actual CDs. You just need mp3s.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
¹And something that tastes or has the texture of chicken - well, vaguely, at least - like mushrooms (chewy) or ham. Though adding ham would be kinda cheating.

Its amazing how small the world we know is.
Just met a few secondary school classmates today in nottingham - alex, malcolm and tszehan, if u know them.
Met Daphne too.
And a few other people from cambridge.

Oh got kicked out in the semi-finals of bridge. Some would argue it technically isn't a sport, but hey, it requires just as much concentration, effort and energy as any other sport. Wasn't unhappy with the result, put it down to luck, seriously, but yeah was glad the other team from Manchester got 2nd place. We deserved it.

And I'm still pondering which post I should take up this year.

You fit in with: Humanism Your ideals mostly resemble that of a Humanist. Although you do not have a lot of faith, you are devoted to making this world better, in the short time that you have to live. Humanists do not generally believe in an afterlife, and therefore, are committed to making the world a better place for themselves and future generations. 0% scientific. 40% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Interesting.

Its never good to shut yourself out from the world when you're not feeling happy.
And yet that is what I tend to do.

Its not just the cold. Neither is it just the realisation that I'm that far behind others in terms of work and I really need to catch up, that to realise my ambitions I have to be working much harder than I am now. That I'm not doing work, basically, compared with the rest. That I can't laze around and do last-minute work like in the past.
Or the fact that all I promised myself - I'll be a whole new me - when it comes to work, when I've turned out the same.
Or that I'm starting to miss home. The freedom of driving around in a familiar land, with no worries about anything in the world (besides being caught by the police for speeding). The returning home to my CD collection - there, just waiting to be re-discovered, again and again.
Nor is it the fact that I'm once again faced with the dilemma of whether to take up a position of responsibility, and why, indeed, I wanted to do so in the very first place.
Its also not just the amount of calories I've ingested - chocolates, cookies and all, and no output (have stopped going to the gym).

Its all of the above, obviously.

I need :
1) An exercise partner
2) A person to go travelling with
3) A chum to go to concerts with (classical, rock and all)
4) Someone who understands me, and whom I can understand.

I just said two thousand words. And I'll add three more. Its freezing here.

It was 0.5 degrees celsius today when I walked to uni at 850. Was 2.0 degrees when I walked back at 1055.
And the sun is still shining brightly in the sky.
Wow.

Your Birthdate: March 28

You have a Type A personality so big it makes other Type A's shrink away in shame. You never shy away from adversity - and you love to tackle impossible problems. Failure is not an option for you, and more than a few people are put off by your ego. You tend to be controlling, and you hate leaving anything up to chance. Your strength: Your bold approach to life Your weakness: You don't accept help Your power color: Bronze Your power symbol: Pyramid Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Is this true?!!!

I mentioned 4 objects. Here's the 4th.

Two of only four things that adorn the bare walls of my room. (One's in an earlier picture.)
I've just realised these four really reflect important parts of my personality.

Oh bought these at the portabello street market in london. They were just there, right there, begging to be noticed. And noticed them I did. ;)

Sigh.
http://www.bridgewater-hall.co.uk/whatson/detail.asp?event_id=930
Can just imagine this - a good dinner in a fancy restaurant - then this concert...
Only problem is I can't find anyone to partake in this marvellous pseudo-illusion with.
Yeah it'd feel surreal, yet... be so very real.

1. I realise I haven't been making much notes in the past few weeks. The notes I've made can't even complete 1/4 an A4 pad, whereas some of my groupmates have made an entire ring file's worth of them.
2. I realise I need to study a whole LOT more if I'm to catch up with them.
3. I realise I don't really care. Oddly.
No its not the "Leave it to the last minute" syndrome that we're all so used to. (Or perhaps it is, to a certain extent.) Its more the "you study so much, you don't really bother making notes anymore" syndrome, I think. I'm tired of making notes.
Dangerous. I probably won't be able to recall everything come exam time.
I've gotta start making more notes.
Am starting to panic.

http://nobelprize.org/medicine/educational/immunity/immune-overview.html

Learning about immunology now. Above is an introduction to how our immune system works - a kid/adolescent-friendly version I wish I'd encountered earlier.
Wouldn't be suffering so much now, bogged down by details and all :(

Its 4.6 degrees celsius now.
Temperature will drop to 0 on sunday, according to the met service.
And its just the beginning of autumn.

Went to this free lunch-time concert. Some Cypriot pianist playing russian classical songs.
I actually fell asleep you know. Near the end of the concert.
And its not like he wasn't good or anything. Perhaps it was the heavy lunch I took - stir-fry lamb with rice, and a chocolate eclair (which totally sucked), was tired 'cause I slept for 5 hours last night, or the fact dat he played the Montagues and the Capulets (its a song), which was like damn nice, powerful and all - but I actually feel asleep!!!
Oh no. First time I've ever done this in any concert.
Oh no.

Went to the Michael Nyman concert today. Wasn't particularly fantastic, but wasn't too bad either. Yeah went alone, couldn't find anyone who was interested and could make it for a piano concert by a balding old man.
Didn't really concentrate on the music this time (it was so... soothing¹). Mind just wondered on its own. Interesting thoughts that I'd rather not reveal here, but no, none of the sexual nature.
There was this part where he let a film take centre-stage², and he sorta played accompaniment. Think he meant to show how music could affect our viewing of the moving images. Very interesting.
Spent 13.50 quid on the ticket. Quite happy spending the money on this, rather than spending the same amount firing 5 shots at my precious liver.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
¹No I didn't fall asleep :P
²Literally. The film was projected via overhead to this screen. Well, in the middle of the stage. Right smack in the middle.

Do you realise how your body works? There are always highs and lows, particularly in your emotions. So many variables affect your mood - environmental, social, even physical. Your emotions are but the results of these complex factors interacting, battling for control, and eventually settling in some sort of compromise.
If I were a chemist, I would say all these interactions are but the results of chemicals mixing inside our head. Humours, as this philosopher put it.
If I were a psychologist, I would say these emotions are part and parcel of life, and are what makes us human. And perhaps try to hypnotise you.
But I'm not. I'm just a first-year medical student who loves chocolate, coffee and good music.
So I'll just say, whenever you feel down, go exercise - run the treadmill for 10 mins, lift some weights in your room, look at the mirror and flex your muscles - and then have a warm cup of coffee and half a dark chocolate bar. Whilst listening to happy songs like "The Sesame Street Rubber Duckie Song".
I need all of the above now.

I can imagine my dissertion for neuroscience, if I were to take the intercalcated masters in my fourth year, right now.
Music & the Mind - How Music Affects the Function of The Human Brain.

The Logical Song - Supertramp
When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they'd be singing so happily,
joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
clinical, intellectual, cynical.
There are times when all the world's asleep,
the questions run too deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.
Now watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical,
liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Won't you sign up your name, we'd like to feel you're
acceptable, respectable, presentable, a vegetable!
At night, when all the world's asleep,
the questions run so deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.

Don't Leave by Faithless.
Its a nice song, go listen to it.

Sometimes you just have to take a break from studying, and enjoy life jus dat leeetle bit.
Watched Wallace and Gromit, finally. Decided to watch it on the spur of the moment, but yeah. It was a good show :)
Then had a great dinner. Mixed grill (lamb, steak, chicken, sausage, and some unknown salty meat - prob processed pork) and hear this - hot chocolate fudge cake drenched in hot fudge, with ice-cream!!!
It was simply heavenly I tell u.
Oh. And I had some swedish pear cider (forgot the name). It is damn addictive I tell you. Tasted just like carbonated pear juice, with jus dat hint of alcohol.
That's one drink I don't mind getting drunk on. Seriously.
Wonderful day today.