Dear friends,
My laptop's screen isn't working. So I won't be able to blog, or chat, or play games for the next few days.
I think its retribution for using the com so much these few days.
Oh well.

Did you know that long beans make good snacks?
I bought a pack of trimmed long beans (on offer) at Sainsbury's a few days back, and decided to finish it just now. Basically boiled them in water. And just munched on them.
They're really quite nice leh. The crunchiness, flavour and all.
And they're full of vitamins, and provide 1 of your 5 daily servings of fruits and/or vegetables, if you eat enough of 'em.
So yeah, next time you feel like snacking, do keep a look out for long beans. A healthier alternative to that chocolate bar at the side of your computer right now. Which you're looking longingly at.

Of course, when you've finished all the chocs in your room, you have to source for alternative stress-busting foods, don't you?

I realise, for the first time in my life, I'm actually getting stressed for an academic exam. I mean seriously, this is like the first time I actually feel unprepared for one.
I have failed so many exams before, but yet, before each, I'd feel so full of confidence - pseudo-confidence, perhaps, but confidence nonetheless- yet this feeling I have right now...
I'm actually panicking.

Just felt like I should jot this down so I can remember, start of next academic year, or the semester after the next, to start studying right from the beginning.

Gosh. This feeling is scary.

Perhaps many of you have heard of the game Defence Of The Ancients (DOTA). Well it's not really a game in itself - it's modified from a map of Warcraft III. Now basically in the game, there can be up to 10 players (human or computer), 5 on each team, where you're supposed to annihilate the 'base' of the opposing team. You make use of 'heroes', which have various 'abilites' and 'spells' which you can 'cast', to, well, inflict damage on the opponent. You get money from killing 'creeps', or creatures, heroes of the opposing team, as well as from destroying structures the opposing team owns, which you use to buy items to improve your abilities.
So. Quite a few of you know that it's quite a craze amongst Singaporean students here in Manchester. There are like quite a few crazed addicts who play it every day, and even like on the eve of their exams. Me included - well, hopefully I won't play it tomorrow night.
I understand there are a few female readers of this humble blog, who may not understand why us guys (yup most of us crazed addicts are guys, though I do know of a girl who's equally fanatic about it) are so mad about it. I shall attempt to summarise, here, several reasons this is so.

1. It's a guy thing. As in, the testosterone-laden satisfaction of 'killing' somebody you know, being able to brag 'Hey I killed xxx number of heroes just now', and be respected (sorta) for it - its just like any blood-filled PC/video game out on the market this way, except that blood isn't graphically displayed here.
2. It's a team game. Basically puts you in teams where you have to work with your friends (whether you like them or not) and co-operate to achieve certain noble objectives. I'm sure a particular reason why some people like playing against computer opponents (when there aren't any human players, of course) is because it sort of shows some solidarity between the group of you playing in a team. Kinda like reminds me of army. In a weird way.
3. It's a good waste of time. I mean, it is (quite) mindless fun, and we all need to take a break from our studies/work and relax sometimes, right? And playing with others... its not as bad (and it won't make you feel as guilty) as playing some windows-based card game alone right?
4. It's a good use of the high-speed LAN connection that we have here at the University. I mean, since we're paying for it, why not utilise it right? Guess you can say it's a singaporean thing in this sense.

Hope that's a concise summary of the reasons why we play DOTA. If you do feel there are more that I've neglected to mention, please do add your comments. I'd greatly appreciate it.
;)

I realise I still haven't reached that stage of attainment where I can eat and study anatomy (with pictures of course) at the same time.
It still feels quite weird, even whilst eating just chocolate.
I guess I still need to desensitise myself more.
Next up, medium-rare steak while studying blood vessels of the thorax. Bring it on.

Oh, sorry for the (extremely) short posts lately.
In the midst of my exams and don't really feel like writing dissertations on the marvellous properties of helium, or the like.

I suddenly have this urge to read a 小说, a Chinese novel or short story.
Think it's its doing.
Hmm.

Somehow I recall this scene from The Weather Man, where the protagonist's dad tells him, "Like you, I've just gotten good with practice." Or something to the effect.
Do you think its true?
I certainly do.

I realise I'm quite a pessimist.
Before the whole singsoc saga, I was thinking - so what happens next, even if he's gone, will things improve? Will she be strong enough, brave enough, to lead the rest, unbiased by words all around?
Was really quite worried, to be honest.
I realise its too soon to say anything as of yet - nothing's been done, but already I sense a change in the whole atmosphere.
It should have been like that long ago, shouldn't it? Have fun planning for activities, organising them with zest. Not pressure alone.
And since we're now all in it together - there's no dartboard to aim at anymore (albeit a rainbow-coloured over-sized one incessantly shouting 'shoot me!'), let's hope we'll be able to work together despite our differences.
And with people like Sam and I behind, I think it'll work out fine, honestly. Pessimistic thoughts aside.

Don't get lost in the present.
It will all fall in place, one day.

Purpose.

Just have to remind myself sometimes. I realise I'm getting lost amongst all this excitement and fear.

Thoughts of the future creep back into my head.
Clawing at the jaws of sanity
They murmur,
Is he there yet?
Should we masquerade this cup
Of bergamot* we have
His yearnings not yet seen?

*Some researchers contend that bergamot is addictive. Which explains the large following of earl grey-sipping primly ladies who carry frilly umbrellas and wear over-sized hats.

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You see why I dislike poetry? Or pseudo-poetry, or prose masquerading as poetry.
Its so open to interpretation. You can either, from the above,
1. Think I am schizo, and give a detailed explanation why you think so.
2. Critique the piece as
a) An unpolished gem of a work
b) Total rubbish not worth wasting your time on.
3. Regard it as total rubbish anyway AND think I'm getting mad.

I'm still perfectly fine, by the way. Just picking out random words floating around in my brain now. After all, words are but tools to be used and abused, aren't they?
Pesky subjects and messy servants - but wondrous toys, words are.

I realise I need a prod.
A painful kick in the butt to warn me to buck up, or else.

Is it only me or did my brain associate the two.
Not good, this is.
Need to cram more info into my brain. Need to find out more about how the heart and lungs work, and stop this bulls***.

Hurtling into uncertainty
I am
Certain of but one thing
Full-circle this will come
To haunt me.

Interesting ey. The stuff you come up with when you're stressed.

Exams start on Monday.
And yet I have so, so many things on my mind.

I realise I've been hanging out too often with Singaporeans (and Malaysians).
I've lost my pseudo-British accent.
Was speaking, rather, trying to speak, with this elderly half-deaf patient when I realised this.
Not good.

Fun with Music

Instructions: Dig out your music player under the bed and put it on shuffle. If there isn't any shuffle mode on it, it means it's about time you get a new one. Say the following questions aloud, making sure nobody's around you, in case you're mistaken as being crazy. Press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. Oh, and no cheating please.

How does the world see me?
So Nice (Samba de Verao) - Eliane Elias
Haha... This sounds promising

Will I have a happy life?
Better Together - Jack Johnson
Hmm. ;)

What do my friends think of me?
It's My Life - Bon Jovi
Arrogant? Withdrawn, perhaps? That I want to lead my own life? Hmm.

Do people secretly lust after me?
There She Goes - Sixpence None The Richer
Haha... Shan't comment ;)

How can I make myself happy?
Pushing The Senses - Feeder
Perhaps I should, eh. And perhaps I will, in my future career. Or life.

What should I do with my life?
Laura - Scissor Sisters
OK this doesn't make sense. Next one...

Someday - Embrace
Interesting - go have a look at the lyrics ;)

Will I ever have children?
For One Night Only - Bodyrockers
Hmm.
;)

What is some good advice for me?
This Love - Maroon 5
...

How will I be remembered?
Return to Oz - Scissor Sisters
Perhaps we all will, one day.

What is my signature dancing song?
We Come 1 - Faithless
Oh yeah, a dance song! Yes give me house and you'd have a better chance of seeing me dancing :P

What do I think my current theme song is?
Quutamo - Apocalyptica
Hmm. Kinda I guess. Go figure.

What does everybody think my current theme song is?
Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
Haha... hopefully not now eh ;)

What song will be played at my funeral?
Demon Days - Gorillaz
!!!

What type of men/women do I like?
You're Beautiful - James Blunt
Yup I like beautiful women. And no I don't mean appearances. ;p

What is my day going to be like?
Never Know - Jack Johnson
Haha... how apt.

Realised on the way back today that I've spent 8 months here already.
Wow.

In the end, its not the effort that you put in, its the results that matter.
1 1/2 days of running around looking for sponsors, countless more hours spent typing emails to various sources of funding and persuading people to turn up...
9 people, and 1 lousy voucher from a travel agency.
I sometimes wonder if I'm doing too much for no recognition.

I guess I'm glad I have a clear conscience though.