Yay!!! I'm finally feeling much better today. The past few weeks have been real bad I tell you. High fever... lethargy... it was so bad I wanted to go out desperately but couldnt...
Oh well. I'm fine now!!! Anyone wanna go out soon? :D

I realise I haven't written anything about why I chose medicine, after years of saying a firm "NO" to it. Why I chose it despite my specific interest in neuroscience.
I guess its always been a personal thing - yes you know I'm a private person and I don't talk much about myself, but I guess today after watching Tuesdays With Morrie on Hallmark I feel... I want to share this with you people, especially my best friends who read this blog.

Well there are several reasons, of course. My experience as a medic, the conversations I had with friends, esp Mark, and several events that had happened in the past year that particularly affected me.
OK first off, why choose medicine as a course in the first place? Well not just because neuroscience is not a subject at BA level in the UK of course. As you all know I was quite keen in going into neuroscience in the US. I wasn't confident in getting in the universities I applied to, actually - but all the same, I did what I could, went over, talked to the professors, and got to know which universities it were I wanted to be in - and only those I was genuinely interested in getting into I applied. 2 universities only, actually. Duke and Chapel Hill.
But anyways. I wanted to find out, after taking neuroscience as a basic degree, whether I would want to continue as a neuroscientist, or branch out into medicine, a postgrad degree in the US. I was in a sort of conundrum, would I have the temerity to treat live human beings instead of torturing cute little hamsters? Would I be able to have the courage and confidence to help people with my medical knowledge, and be sure I was indeed helping them?
Had several conversations about this conundrum with several people. (I esp recall a conversation in coffee bean, and the coffee - good strong kopitiam-ish coffee, btw.)
But I guess after those conversations, I had a clearer picture of what I wanted to get myself into. I had decided, when I applied for medicine in the UK - it was meant as a backup, to my parents - that if I got in, it wouldnt be a hard choice for me to accept it.
By the way fate had it turn out both US universities rejected me, so it wasn't much of a choice in the end anyways.

My experience as a medic. Well actually it kinda ties in with the events that happened in the past year, or two.
As you know my grandpa had been suffering from Alzheimer's, dementia and a host of other ailments in the past few years. Somewhere near the end of 2003, he suffered a fall which left him physically, and I suspect mentally, very frail. He couldn't walk, or prod, in his later years, like he used to.
At the start of 2004, I was in training for 3 months in SMM. I guess by then I had decided that I would take the training seriously as it wasn't just for my own benefit - I might need the skills I learnt in the course in the future.
I finished the course 2nd in my platoon. 1st was a regular. (but no I'm not insinuating anything here) Whatever the result, though, I felt it was an accomplishment I could be proud of, not just for myself.
I was posted to Tengah, an ADA unit. Spent most of my time at Tengah, and as Tengah is a huge base - with thousands of personnel working in it, and many falling sick daily, invariably - I had quite some experience working there.
I wrote this in my application, and I'll share it here:
I want to do something more. I remember this duty I did, where I was in charge of a sickbay of 9 patients, 8 on IV and suffering from physical exhaustion. All I could do then was to inform the Medical Officer if anything went wrong - if temperatures started to go up, the guy not suffering from physical exhaustion (some viral fever, actually) were to suddenly collapse, if anyone were to collapse, for that matter. I couldn't do anything else besides CPR.
I want to do something more. I want to be able to face a sickbay of patients and know what to do. Be able to do something about their conditions. Be able to do something for them - alleviate their pain and suffering.
I meant every word I wrote. And I will stand by what I have written for the rest of my lifetime.

And of course there were the contact with different doctors. I witnessed a change of doctors in Tengah while I was working there. The outgoing OC just did his job - he was a regular who prob regarded his stint in Tengah as a rung in his career ladder. He scolded patients, you know, who he thought were 'geng-ing'. Outgoing Dy-OC was a nice man who gave me his medicine book (Clinical Medicine) when he ORD-ed. Incoming doctors, both serving their NS, were nice people too, especially the Dy-OC, Dr Tan, whom I talked to quite a few times regarding my application and other stuff. He even brought me to National Neuroscience Institute in TTSH, where he worked a stint in. He's interested in neuro too, the medicine side of it.
I'd say they played a part in my decision to apply for medicine.

In the middle of the year though, some months just after I'd started my stint in Tengah, my grandpa passed away. I will not descibe the feelings I had then - its in my previous posts. (June 2004, should be around there)
It was a huge factor in my decision to do medicine. There was guilt - I could have done more for him in his later years; I could only take his pulse, helplessly, as his life seeped away from me, literally, that night. There was a fierce determination to want to be able to something for my parents before they reach that age. They had provided and cared so much for me, I was not going to be helpless - again - as they suffer from the ailments of old age in the future. I had seen my aunt care for my grandpa, as a daughter and doctor, and I was going to do the same as a son. There was also a realisation that hey, I was spending so much time thinking about the meaning of life - and here it was, staring at me right in the eye. I was privileged enough to be born in this comfortable environment, I was not going to waste it and say "hey, I'm just gonna make use of this and earn more money for myself".

And the tsunami came at the end of 2004. The blanket media coverage afforded of that proved beneficial for once. I wanted to do something for the victims, and for victims of natural catastrophes in the future. Not just material and/or monetary contributions. I volunteered when the army asked for a standby force that could be deployed in Indonesia; I had no hesitation when told my ORD date might be extended if I were to take part in that. I believe quite a few medics I know did that too.
And again I want to be able to do something more. As a doctor. Perhaps I should state this to remind myself in the future : I want to be one of the doctors working for the people, to fulfil my role as a fellow human being. I know this might be a tall order, but believe me I will try to fulfil this promise.

So yeah. Quite a long piece on why I decided to choose medicine. Well as a sidenote, the day of the interview for Manchester in KL, the professor and another doctor who were the 'panel' didn't believe me when I said I was an introvert. Apparently I had been so earnest in sharing my experiences as a medic that I was doing most of the talking.
Quite rare right. You see me in person and you know I'm not much of a talking person.
Well I'm proud of the fact I managed to impress them - not with flowery words, rehearsed lines (though I did draw up some pointers on what I planned to speak about, but didn't manage to, at all!) - but I guess with my passion for the subject.

I know it sounds quite bhb. That's why I didn't want to write on this until today, when I was reminded of all these after watching that show - Tuesdays with Morrie - just now.

Did another blood test today, finally have got a diagnosis. I'm down with mononucleosis. Glandular Fever. Or the "kissing" disease, as it is known commonly (will elaborate later).
Basically there's no treatment for this disease, from what my aunt's told me. Anti-biotics help dat wee bit, but its up to my immunity system to get it right. And let my body burn in the meantime. Or consume panadol lah.
OK why is it called the 'kissing' disease? 'Cause its contagious, spread by saliva.
No I have NOT been kissing random infected people out on the street. Or Anyone, for dat matter :P
But yeah I'm fine guys, I'll prob jus miss a few days more of work. Spend some quality time alone as I don't want to spread the disease to you people.

Notice the time lapse since I last posted? Well I've been sick.
Really sick, in fact.
Some figures for your perusal:

(Money I've spent)
On medical fees : $185
Lost Pay so far : $64 x 5 = $320
(Time I've spent)
Sleeping : 18 (average) x 5 = 90 hours
Awake/Semi-conscious: 30 hours
Outside home : 3. Today, when I brought my grandma, sis and bro out for lunch.

Can see how pathetic my past week has been rite.

Its rambutan season again! The rambutan tree's filling up with fresh succulent (soon-to-be) bright red rambutans!

But with the rambutans come the crows. I'm serious, somehow once the rambutans start popping out the crows will come. Nasty f*$@-ing crows that destroy numerous innocent young rambutans. Deprive them of the right to be enjoyed by their rightful masters.

Now how I wish I had a shotgun with me so I can go 'BANG!' everytime I see a disgusting black crow. Take a piece of 'em. Literally.

OK yes I'm sick. No, seriously. I'm down with some viral fever. Been bothering me for days. So that kinda explains the weird twisted violent thoughts.

Kinda.

Of Birds And Fish

Spent some time gazing at my ex-neighbour's pool today¹. Spotted some cute birds (sparrows?) trying to poison themselves with the ex-pool water. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, chirping along happily, when suddenly this mynah stopped next to them and started squawking at them. Scared them away. And started to poison itself too, of course, happily.
Led me to think, do birds share a common language? I mean, there are so many different species of birds, do they share similar 'words' in their various 'languages'? Or is it the tone in which something is said that puts the meaning across? Like when you say 'kan ni nah bei chao ji bai', a non-Hokkien person will still sort of get you and back off? But humans have like so many facial muscles to contort and distort, I don't recall learning about the various maxillo-facial muscles in the common bird?
Hmm perhaps an ornithologist can enlighten me.
(Perhaps you'd like to take a look at this if you're interested/bored)

And oh visited my uncle's house for dinner tonight. Apparently his koi do backflips in the water like dolphins do. I'm serious, I saw two of them (or one koi, twice) do just that while I was there. My cousin kindly informed me that yes, they do do that quite often.
And I thought only dolphins possessed the necessaryintelligencee to get bored of swimming and think of acrobatic tricks to do to entertain themselves.
But come to think of it, backflips should be quite fun for bored fish. Just imagine yourself as a fish - when you're doing a backflip out of water, you're actually depriving yourself of oxygen for the very few seconds you're in the air. Should be kinda like the adrenaline rush you experience when you bungee-jump?
Anyways. Perhaps fish (in general) are smarter than we think they are.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
¹My ex-neighbour's house is currently un-occupied. It has a pool. Or what used to be a pool. Now the water is green and somewhat murky. I'm sure if I decide to be civic-minded and release some fish into the ex-pool (to prevent the growth of mosquito larvae, of course) it'll be an interesting case study for primary school science students. I can just imagine the title : A Semi-Artificial Water Habitat.

Ooh I must share this interesting nugget of information I gleaned while talking to some colleagues (KZ and KC) at lunch the other day. Apparently in school I usually have this "Don't disturb me or I'll kill you" look while busying around.

Looks like I've perfected this look at last.

;D

I drive to (and from) work almost everyday now that my father's overseas. The hours spent on the roads are good times for observation and reflection. Often in that order.
I've noticed that the stretch from Bukit Panjang to Mandai has been recently re-paved. Led me to think about the times I've spent on the *road in other countries.
Singapore's road system (?) is really terrific, you know, when you compare it to those of other countries. For example. America's roads... well I should just say you Do need cars that offer 'comfortable rides' on them. The UK's too. Malaysia's highways are better, in my opinion, but then you need to pay quite an amount just to travel on them.
So I'm not against the recent increase in ERP timings/prices. We Do need some source of funds to pay for the raw materials, foreign talents that work on them, as well as to upkeep the system itself.

Now on a totally unrelated topic. When you invest a huge amount in something, you Will want to recoup your initial losses, as well as to maximise your profits in the future right? Once you've got something in place, why not try to squeeze maximum profit from it, when your profit ceiling is determined by you yourself, not your customers?**

And on another totally unrelated topic, I just got to know that my uncle has been caught speeding so many times that his driving license is on the verge of being suspended. My mum's using this anecdote to warn me not to speed. 'So many cameras everywhere now' is what she often says.
Coincidentally I browsed through the traffic police website recently. There seems to be cameras on every road I've ever travelled on.
And to list out the penalties for speeding:
Exceeding speed limit of road up to 20km/h : $130, 4 points.
" " " " " from 20-30km/h: $150, 6 points.
" " " " " from 30-40km/h: $170, 8 points.
" " " " " above 40 km/h: Prosecuted in court. (More money + points)

Guess I'll just have to satisfy my speed cravings in Malaysia. No money to afford the fines sia.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*As a passenger - where you get even more time to think, without the trepidation and stress you have to endure as a driver (esp in singapore) - but that's another post.

** Jus thought of this example. Let's say I'm the company in charge of lockers at a swimming pool. Now you know that if you don't put your valuables in the lockers, you are responsible for your own losses. And there's no spectator stands or places to sit like the public swimming pools you have here.
So basically I have this monopoly of valuable-keeping. To improve the safety of Your valuables, I have recently changed the locks to hgh-tech ones that are highly key-specific, and impervious to tampering by vandals. Its natural that I have to raise prices, since the lockers are of such high quality, right? Since I'm running a company and Am looking for profits, I have to pass the cost on.
Oh and this makes me think of something else. Though I am running a public service for you, and I am already making some profits originally, I Do have to raise my prices to maintain my profitibility. I Am running a service for you, you know. You don't want me to collapse, do you. Not when my, no, Your, high-tech lockers are the envy of all swimming pools around the area.

Anyone game for the Tree-top walk anytime soon?
Feel like doing some exercise. Breathe some fresh air.

Its wonderful what a 5-hour sleep in the afternoon can do for you.
I feel so... serene now.
No ill-will towards that person at work. (It's not personal, just work)
No worries about the amount of work left undone. (Not much, actually.)
No lack of anticipation about the pay I'll recieve in two days' time. (Have a concrete plan as to how to spend it - in its entirety - now)

Ah. *contented sigh*