I realise I haven't written anything about why I chose medicine, after years of saying a firm "NO" to it. Why I chose it despite my specific interest in neuroscience.
I guess its always been a personal thing - yes you know I'm a private person and I don't talk much about myself, but I guess today after watching Tuesdays With Morrie on Hallmark I feel... I want to share this with you people, especially my best friends who read this blog.

Well there are several reasons, of course. My experience as a medic, the conversations I had with friends, esp Mark, and several events that had happened in the past year that particularly affected me.
OK first off, why choose medicine as a course in the first place? Well not just because neuroscience is not a subject at BA level in the UK of course. As you all know I was quite keen in going into neuroscience in the US. I wasn't confident in getting in the universities I applied to, actually - but all the same, I did what I could, went over, talked to the professors, and got to know which universities it were I wanted to be in - and only those I was genuinely interested in getting into I applied. 2 universities only, actually. Duke and Chapel Hill.
But anyways. I wanted to find out, after taking neuroscience as a basic degree, whether I would want to continue as a neuroscientist, or branch out into medicine, a postgrad degree in the US. I was in a sort of conundrum, would I have the temerity to treat live human beings instead of torturing cute little hamsters? Would I be able to have the courage and confidence to help people with my medical knowledge, and be sure I was indeed helping them?
Had several conversations about this conundrum with several people. (I esp recall a conversation in coffee bean, and the coffee - good strong kopitiam-ish coffee, btw.)
But I guess after those conversations, I had a clearer picture of what I wanted to get myself into. I had decided, when I applied for medicine in the UK - it was meant as a backup, to my parents - that if I got in, it wouldnt be a hard choice for me to accept it.
By the way fate had it turn out both US universities rejected me, so it wasn't much of a choice in the end anyways.

My experience as a medic. Well actually it kinda ties in with the events that happened in the past year, or two.
As you know my grandpa had been suffering from Alzheimer's, dementia and a host of other ailments in the past few years. Somewhere near the end of 2003, he suffered a fall which left him physically, and I suspect mentally, very frail. He couldn't walk, or prod, in his later years, like he used to.
At the start of 2004, I was in training for 3 months in SMM. I guess by then I had decided that I would take the training seriously as it wasn't just for my own benefit - I might need the skills I learnt in the course in the future.
I finished the course 2nd in my platoon. 1st was a regular. (but no I'm not insinuating anything here) Whatever the result, though, I felt it was an accomplishment I could be proud of, not just for myself.
I was posted to Tengah, an ADA unit. Spent most of my time at Tengah, and as Tengah is a huge base - with thousands of personnel working in it, and many falling sick daily, invariably - I had quite some experience working there.
I wrote this in my application, and I'll share it here:
I want to do something more. I remember this duty I did, where I was in charge of a sickbay of 9 patients, 8 on IV and suffering from physical exhaustion. All I could do then was to inform the Medical Officer if anything went wrong - if temperatures started to go up, the guy not suffering from physical exhaustion (some viral fever, actually) were to suddenly collapse, if anyone were to collapse, for that matter. I couldn't do anything else besides CPR.
I want to do something more. I want to be able to face a sickbay of patients and know what to do. Be able to do something about their conditions. Be able to do something for them - alleviate their pain and suffering.
I meant every word I wrote. And I will stand by what I have written for the rest of my lifetime.

And of course there were the contact with different doctors. I witnessed a change of doctors in Tengah while I was working there. The outgoing OC just did his job - he was a regular who prob regarded his stint in Tengah as a rung in his career ladder. He scolded patients, you know, who he thought were 'geng-ing'. Outgoing Dy-OC was a nice man who gave me his medicine book (Clinical Medicine) when he ORD-ed. Incoming doctors, both serving their NS, were nice people too, especially the Dy-OC, Dr Tan, whom I talked to quite a few times regarding my application and other stuff. He even brought me to National Neuroscience Institute in TTSH, where he worked a stint in. He's interested in neuro too, the medicine side of it.
I'd say they played a part in my decision to apply for medicine.

In the middle of the year though, some months just after I'd started my stint in Tengah, my grandpa passed away. I will not descibe the feelings I had then - its in my previous posts. (June 2004, should be around there)
It was a huge factor in my decision to do medicine. There was guilt - I could have done more for him in his later years; I could only take his pulse, helplessly, as his life seeped away from me, literally, that night. There was a fierce determination to want to be able to something for my parents before they reach that age. They had provided and cared so much for me, I was not going to be helpless - again - as they suffer from the ailments of old age in the future. I had seen my aunt care for my grandpa, as a daughter and doctor, and I was going to do the same as a son. There was also a realisation that hey, I was spending so much time thinking about the meaning of life - and here it was, staring at me right in the eye. I was privileged enough to be born in this comfortable environment, I was not going to waste it and say "hey, I'm just gonna make use of this and earn more money for myself".

And the tsunami came at the end of 2004. The blanket media coverage afforded of that proved beneficial for once. I wanted to do something for the victims, and for victims of natural catastrophes in the future. Not just material and/or monetary contributions. I volunteered when the army asked for a standby force that could be deployed in Indonesia; I had no hesitation when told my ORD date might be extended if I were to take part in that. I believe quite a few medics I know did that too.
And again I want to be able to do something more. As a doctor. Perhaps I should state this to remind myself in the future : I want to be one of the doctors working for the people, to fulfil my role as a fellow human being. I know this might be a tall order, but believe me I will try to fulfil this promise.

So yeah. Quite a long piece on why I decided to choose medicine. Well as a sidenote, the day of the interview for Manchester in KL, the professor and another doctor who were the 'panel' didn't believe me when I said I was an introvert. Apparently I had been so earnest in sharing my experiences as a medic that I was doing most of the talking.
Quite rare right. You see me in person and you know I'm not much of a talking person.
Well I'm proud of the fact I managed to impress them - not with flowery words, rehearsed lines (though I did draw up some pointers on what I planned to speak about, but didn't manage to, at all!) - but I guess with my passion for the subject.

I know it sounds quite bhb. That's why I didn't want to write on this until today, when I was reminded of all these after watching that show - Tuesdays with Morrie - just now.