i lurrrrrrrve my life man.
went to work today... sat around waiting for the office to open... watched eddie murphy at some show (on vcd using a laptop which happened to be outside the office, delirious, i think the title was) before the officers and (one) perm staff came... then went inside our room... slept until jem called me, did some walking whilst leading him to the office, went back, continued watching eddie murphy, slept until lunch, had lunch, played dai dee, then locked up and went home. at 2. haha
then i went swimming! 9 1/2 laps. 30 mins. then went to collect my sis's hp at united square. oh yah my batt for my mp3 player ran out on the way so i popped into novena square to buy some AAA batts. saw some chio bu-s. (yeah so i Do notice chio gals jus dat i dun like go salivating and Stare or something, cause come on, im a guy lah)
oh yeah, had a great weekend the last two days. went out with mark, watched school of rock, and drank coffee on sat. the movie ROCKS i tell ya! if u know ur rock hey. its DAMN COOL i tell ya!!! haha. anyways caught up with mark, finally. jus talked about.. stuff.. jus like the past. it was like... so normal. like years ago, u know, when we jus chilled and all. i guess he'd be wat u call a real friend. u know, jus... u dun need to make any effort to like find something to talk about. jus realised how few friends i have who i can like jus be myself. oh well.
and sunday! learnt driving. im now down to 3-point turns and parking!!! yay!!!! i want my license man!!! and oh yah haha i got to drive my mum's odessey. we went to drop something and she let me drive the journey back. its power i tell ya. 70, 80km/h... u'd NEVER get to do dat in the driving centre lor.
but sigh. course starts next week. i jus feel like.. back when i was jus about to enlist lor. my life now is really too slack man!!! :(

sigh. spent christmas 'chilling' at home with the flu. ey wait if u have mucus from ur nose it isnt the flu rite? its jus the common cold? oh well.
sad, man. kau.
and today... well i'm going to my cousin's wedding tonight! australian cousin. getting married to this half-ang-moh-singaporean i dun know very well. heck i dun know Her very well. cant even recall her age now come to think of it. think she's.... 20.. something. ah. anything lah.
oh yah watched LOTR again today! with my younger sis and bro. dat scene... faromir going out in dat lost cause to retake dat river... it jus... touches me man. reminds me of ocs. platoon field camp. assaulting up a hill. Distinctly remembering... its stupid, u know. after breaching this wire obstacle the platoon commander has to go through the gap first. i was the exercise PC. charging through the obstacle i was like thinking... so i have to die to make an example of myself huh. to show my men the meaning of courage.
perhaps this was one of the reasons y i hesistated when they asked me whether i wanted to continue the OCS course. i really didnt know. did i want to... jus die for my country? as a PC? or should i leave that to someone else? knowing that i may not even come back after my university studies?
not that im not willing to die for the country i tell u. i don't mind.. laying my life down for singapore. serious. but not as a PC, i guess. i'm jus not capable enough. i don't want to lead men to their deaths. but i dont want to jus become a staff officer, an officer jus in name, either, as i would if i had gone for a recourse.
if and when war really comes, i'll do anything i can for singapore. in whatever capacity i can. perhaps this vocation they've assigned me... medic... is the best for me.

jus saw this performance thingy on tv. in the uk... wow was it grand. even the royal family was there. in fact i think it was held in their palace grounds! there were no like raunchy dancing or skimpily-clad girls. no grabbing of crotches and dangling gold chains and singing of f***ing and s***ing and related stuff. but it was a blast. how i Wish we could have outdoor concerts like that man. no need for showing off of inhumanely thin bodies and ribs a lion wouldnt bother looking at. and no waste of resources too. sigh.

but had some... thoughts last night. as i was waiting for the bus. (eventually it turned into a taxi)
we were near mohd sultan lah... passed the stretch of clubs as we (Jerry's friend... Jen i think?) went to the bus-stop. saw many pretty gals and guys milling around the clubs. saw some gals alight on the last bus at the bus-stop too.
rem asking jen, wats the fun in clubbing, actually? he said he wasnt much of a dance person either. didnt understand too.
then asked him. if they spend the night clubbing away, wat do they do the next day, actually? do they go to work?
simple questions, really.
but wat i thought was - perhaps there's jus like... stuff we do to waste our time away.. different stuff in different stages of our life, rite?
in pri school it was playing cards... street fighter cards, i still rem... lower sec, arcade games... magic... upper sec... computer games... jc... uni.... clubbing... partying... drinking...
interesting, eh? the things we do to... while our time away! break away from the monotony of working / schooling life.

chestnuts were unloaded last night! damn funny....

aww man.
had this pri-school class gathering last night.
awww man.
its like.... its been so many years since so many of us came together to do Anything! and we were like talking about old times... (annoying the Marche guys im sure haha) its like... wow! reality jus hit me u know. we're 19 already. when i was small, come on, when U were small, what did u think of 19 year-olds in the army and university? and yet, we're 19 already.
waves, man. waves.
(if u don't know what i mean go read 'vernon god little' - dat man booker prize 2003 winner, cant rem the author's name)

random poll here : who thinks im impossible to talk to? or difficult to talk to?
(pls indicate under 'comments' thanks!)

they say an apple a day keeps the doctor away... and chocolates (eaten moderately) are good for ur health... hey fuji apple by my side... a few chocolates inches away from my com... hey! i'm a happy man. perfect after-dinner food, i tell ya. ^_^

oh yeah jus in case u wanna know y i wanted to get myself drunk last night there are a few reasons:
1. i want to increase alcohol tolerance. yeah serious cause i dont want to get drunk jus after a few drinks and do something i'd regret for the rest of my life in the future.
2. its my off day today and i can afford to sleep for as Loooooooong as i want!!!! muhahaha
3. i've wanted to buy long island tea for a long time. wanted to taste how it was like. 10% alcohol and all. turns out its.. ok lah. after a few mouthfuls that is. dangerous i tell ya. something so sweet... contains so much alcohol... dangerous.
so i've proven something. my alcohol tolerance is Damn low sia. kau jus 1 330ml bottle of long island tea's enough to get me face red and heart pumping already how can??? there was already some... lack of muscular control in some ways lor... i distinctly remember myself swaggering abit... made numerous typo errors (though i was still conscious enough to correct them)... wanted to play a unreal tournament but discovered i couldnt stay awake enough to kill more than 5 bots without being killed (easy level leh)...
yeah. dun get me drunk in the future. i wont get high or anything i'll jus get... drunk. sleepy. and go sleep. haha

jus watched Lord of the Rings. free tix from safra. apparently they're free 'cause i joined them recently. oh well cant blame ur luck can u? heh
oh yah im sorta drunk now. bought a long island tea from seven eleven on the way back. why? u may ask. why try to get drunk? its so... untypical of u.
im not drunk lah. not yet. (haha hey dats wat all drunkards say dun they?)
no, serious. i can still think. and write. type, rather.
my heart's pumping like mad though. guess this is why they drink before dancing. gives them energy i guess. apparently, that is.
u know i've jus realised dat clubbing isnt for me. watched the movie with jingni, one of my og mates, and i rem telling her, do i look like the sort who goes clubbing? she jus shrugged. haha...
no lah i dun club. i guess i'll try it jus for the experience sometime. but not today. thought i would go clubbing or drinking in a pub today. since i dun need to work tomorrow.
but my self-discipline prevented me from doing dat. and my mind too.
no point lah, clubbing. u get high, u dance, u drink again, u continue dancing, u go home when the club closes.
wat the Hell is the point in wasting ur money and time like that.
oh yah. u know the thought of leaving suddenly struck me. it was 'leaving on a jet plane' lah. on mtv. i really dun know how it'll be like when i leave singapore 2 years from now.
goign to a completely foreign place.... having to leave ur friends... all thats familiar to u... i really dunno. i guess i'll miss my friends dearly. how will it be like, without family or friends with me?
i really dunno, i guess.
hey any friends reading this... i'll miss you lots.
i guess they're not lying when they say dat alcohol makes u reveal ur true feelings. i... i'll really miss u lots, guys. gals. serious.

jus finished watching homerun. aunt bought the vcd.
i guess sometimes.... it jus takes... a movie.. a book.. .watever... to remind u the importance of relationships... kinship... the ties that bind.
i dun jus mean the not-so-subtle dig at the 'kampung' macro-relationships that resulted in the movie being banned in malaysia of course. i didnt feel so much about that, though hey i now realise y it was banned. too obvious lah.
but anyways.
i jus realised i love my sis. and my parents. and my bro, too, even, though i sometimes really dun understand him. and my grandparents too.
my eyes... brimmed with tears! at some scenes. heh. like they did too when i watched children of heaven. sigh.
:)

oh yah jem since ur prob gonna read all these crap right lemme write something for u. yeah specially for u.
I want an ipod!!!!!!!!!!
if Only *someone* would give me an ipod as a christmas present. sigh.
haha no lah not u lah i didnt mean u :P

and oh yah i jus started reading 'vernon god little' today. interesting book an army pal brought to camp.
something abt emmanuel kant stuck.
'cause i've read abt him before lah.
his kitten in a box question.
interesting ah?
i guess feelings are like that too. are they there, or are they not there? u jus dont know do u.

and oh yah. i jus realised that some friends think that im interested in them.
please.
let me say this once and for all : if you're a friend of mine, i regard u as one, i will NOT be interested in u. as a girlfriend that is.
so jus... loosen up, alright? i jus want more excitement in my life. go out with friends... do stuff that good friends do....
yeah.

jus remembered i didnt write anything yesterday. actually Felt like writing something but i guess i've forgotten what exactly i was thinking about.
sunday too. should have written something.
oh yah sunday.
i like that part about unspoken love too, zhijing.
and i believe both u and i believe that the guy would have found someone in the next year. u know, i genuinely hope so. help me congratulate ur bf on his commissioning yah? :)
oh yeah i have to clarify something. dee and i have Never been together. she deserves someone much better than me. and i didnt, and still dont, want to hurt her heart by 'being' with her and then break up in 2005 when i go for my university studies in the US.
in fact, im in a dilemma now. one part of me says - i need a girl! another - no use having a girl now right. hormones lah, i remember saying to mark. getting difficult to control.
its sad, u know, when u hafta tell urself hey, u should be looking for a life partner, not jus a girlfriend, u know!
maybe i should jus forget about university and jus get a girlfriend.
but i cant, lah. too many friends are attached already. im not interested in friends, anyway. friends are jus... friends. but i dun have the courage or interest or watever u need to go look for a girlfriend. i always end up with friends. who get attached. and im somehow comfortable with that. weird, ey?
maybe im jus too free rite now, ey?

today was really interesting.
got this Damn talkative instructor for driving. but he was good lah. knew his stuff. learnt a lot.
then went out with mingli. played pool Very badly. completed 3 games in an hour. i hit the black in once, she did it too once. haha.
then we went for the movie. queue was damn long dat we decided to buy tix for the next show instead. and went into the arcade after buying the tix. wasted 2.50 on some puzzle bubble machine. cause it got eaten and nothing happened. yeah.
then waited for her to decide where to eat. for 15 mins. and went to mos finally. finished my burger in 14 mins.
oh yah. brother bear. interesting movie it was.
then went to chinatown. to hear her friend carol. yah. carol. chinatown. in english btw. some old folks and families listened. they looked quite interested, actually. interesting. very.
then went walking/shopping. bought a chop of my chinese name and a pic yes of my chinese name. 15 bucks for the pic. 10 for the lamination sheet and 5 for the pic itself. felt DAMN cheated. i mean come on lor i laminate like so Many sheets in the army and its like... i dun hafta pay for it!!!!! kau.
then saw these crystal like thingys... go shop in chinatown i tell u. u Will find cheap and good things. serious.
but while going back (via mrt) we met one of her friends and it was weird. she mus have thought we were a couple. and i didnt know wat to say to her.
come to think of it i think She thinks im interested in her too.
oh no.
i seem to be damn good at this. making people think that im interested in them. hey its not like i Want to do it lor. it jus.... happens. damnit.
anyways i jus found out dat shes not the one for me. but we had fun lah. didnt really talk much though. cant find Anything to talk abt! i tell u not talking is Bad. jus increases the tension.
sigh.
i guess today's a good day lah.

oh yah. was thinking about this.
i think therefore i am.
i think it applies in the opp way too. i am, therefore i think. which leads back to i think, therefore i am. vicious cycle.
for example. im a nice guy. i think im a nice guy. i do things that u would consider 'nice'. im a nice guy.
this 'other' side of me that i have (thanks siyi) can be said to be a hallucinatory impression i have of myself thats totally not true. maybe i am Not who i think i actually am. get wat i mean? nevermind i dun really know wat im saying too.
go figure it out urself yah.

oh yah how i wish i was 21 now.
i'd go buy global crossing. its only 1 cent each. go buy. serious.

u know i really Should have a pda or some sth like that. was thinking a Lot of thoughts before i came back. but my mind seems so empty now.
i guess the fact that im not going diving after all didnt help. el couldnt go. damnit.
and i like steak and kidney pie. but im not gonna taste it anytime soon i guess. mark u'll know wat im talking abt.
its dramatic, really. the change. from jc to uni. all the girls - ok almost haha yiqian still looks the same - today looked so much more attractive. xinyi. christina. kit yii. sik yin. think xinyi's changed the most. for the better. hey if anyone's reading this, go tell xinyi 'U go, gal!' :)
but its not jus dat they've all changed appearance-wise. Mark's mum wants him to get attached. i feel this... urge to get attached. been feeling it for a long time.
but then again it makes me wonder u know. is it really true dat the higher up in the educational level u get the less close friends u get? cause ur like actually subconsciously looking for ur life partner as u get older and thus (subconsciously) dun bother to form close relationships with many other people? or is it really the classroom/tutorial setting that prevents u from interacting with others?
or is that we become more reticent as we age? more... unwilling to reveal what we really feel. feel we have to conform to society and all. acceptable behaviour. to members of the opposite sex.
and one thing mark said to me's affected me tremendously. about the club scene in england. the drinking and drugs and all. wonder if i'll be able to control myself when i finally go over to the US. aint that diff is it. the scene i mean.
will i go out of control? sometimes i feel that i have this beast that's just waiting to be released.
its not gonna be pretty when it finally comes out.
but hey my whole family's gone off to holiday and im still at home now so i guess i Do have some self-control don't i?

hey found this abt me! haha think its quite true. if u ignore the grammatical errors dat is, i couldnt bother spending time to edit them :P
>ARIES MAN

>
>He always let other people walk in front of him, but he will get there first. He is a very careful guy and small obstacles won't make him fall easily even he thinks life is a very serious matter. He is as romantic as any other Zodiac. He could look gentle, but inside he is as strong as steel.
>Once he determine to do something, he is serious about doing it well. He will keep any pressure or insult deep down inside without showing emotion.
>You will never see his emotion of burden or disappointment and always wonder what he thinks or feels. He will well kept his feeling.
>You will never see a guy in this Zodiac involving in other people business.
>He always concern with his own business. Sometimes he can be talkative, but he will never give anyone advice if he has not been asked. If you ask for advice, he will certainly give you one. He respects elderly and seniority, so you will see he is the type who visit his parents steadily or often.
>He is a slightly shy but also a stubborn person. He will find many ways to make you happy when you are with him, till you realize he is the important person for you. Once he is in the "Power Position", he will use his power gently. He is a good leader and "Gentleness" is one of his effective method for exploiting his power. It is although he is borne to be a leader.
>He never hide his ambition, and he is a workaholic. he will not take any position that he has no control. He will work very hard to reach his goal and satisfaction.
>Compliment from his boss or superior are never enough for him, he want his deserved reward. His deep insecurity make him reach and collecting valuable things, and this you may think he is stingy. Actually he could easily spending money to buy things, traveling or pay for things that makes him happy and he think necessary for his need. He care what other people think of him and want to get good comments or compliments.
>Outside he looks like stone and steel, but inside he is a fragile person. He will hide and cover up weak emotion and his sadness in order to maintain and keep up his "Image". One method of cover up you could easily notice is suddenly if he is quiet, cold, or act very strong or very secure.
>Often, he feels insecure, even he is serious about his life and his own surrounding.
>This is the man who never hurry to get marry, so hardly sit back and regret about his marriage later. If he gets marry, he need to be very certain and very sure. It will take a long time for such decision, so if you tell him that you are "breaking up" , you better forget him for good because he will never coming back.
>He always keep his promise. If he said he will meet you in your place in 2 hours then he will be there, unless there is a serious accident or unavoidable things happen. He hate people who is late for date or any appointment.
>He like to think woman should be a follower and take care of family and working is a man duty. He does not like to compete with his girl friend or his wife at work because competition already exist with himself and other people. He will be very proud if he can afford and care for his family. Do not try to over power him or insult him, he can not stand it. He likes to be in control of every things, every situations.
>He likes a "Classy Woman" ,if she also comes from a good family then it is a Plus. It will make him feel proud and very ego about her status. Flashy type of woman , forget it. He like a perfect or a nearly perfect housewife. He tend to be possessive. He will not tell you if he is mad at you, but will act very moody to show you instead.
>He like to hear sweet word and compliment so you can get his interest that way. If he approaches you to ask you out, do not act too stubborn or fooling around too much. He will get tired and just disappear. He has to feel confident when he is around you, so knowing this fact you should know what to do, right!
>If you want him, you have to make him feel like he is the most important person for you. He likes a kind hearted woman , polite and can get along with his family. When he feels sad, do not leave him alone, but be very supportive. Kind words and your smile will win him over, so this strong man will be like a chicken in your palm.