Damn.

In one of those moods again. Where you feel nothing is going right in the world, where you start to doubt the decisions you have made thus far, where you just feel generally like the tomato that's been in your malfunctioning fridge for three weeks?

When even a 3/4 tub of ben & jerry's chocolate fudge brownie ice-cream doesn't help. When listening to happy songs like the yeah yeah yeah song doesn't soothe your wandering mind. When chatting to the people you hold dear to your heart doesn't dull the aching pain in your pre-frontal cortex.

I guess it is times like these that I look at my alcohol collection on my shelf and the absolut looks so, so enticing.

And of course am reminded of the time I tried Absolut Citron thinking it would taste remotely like lemon, and discovered to the horror of my cranial nerves that it tasted exactly like its cousin in the science lab in secondary school.

So no I'm not about to drink to drown my sorrows. Probably going to sleep now, and hopefully it'll be a good day.

Good day to you my friends.

So it is back online.

I am sorry, guys, but I will be a complete b****** here and tell you that after this long wait, I've decided not to change my blog layout. Have done only some minor HTML clean-up.
Why, you ask. Because I don't really care about how you feel about it.
Because this is, after all, my blog, and I decide what goes on it. A blog, after all, is my take on subjects, about my life, and about what I want to put on it, really.
If you do not like my tainted views, do not want to know about mundane details in my life - like how I ate 3/4 a tub of ben&jerry's chocolate fudge ice-cream just now - and do not agree with anything I say, f*** off.
As you can see I'm not in a particularly nice mood when I normally blog.
One last warning, f*** off before it is too late. Before your mind gets subverted by my psuedo-intelligent completely-baseless politically-uncorrect barely-veiled f***-all take on life.

Oh gosh I love this new start.

Welcome.

I know I promised you a new layout for the next school year, and in fact I am looking at HTML coding again, but I just felt I had to let this out.
I really, really cannot dance to R&B.
I was at Club Momo last night, this event called UK Bound. Basically there were like invited student (and semi-professional I think) bands playing 'rock' music until 10, then 'normal' music started to play on in the club while in this separate section some bands continued to play.
Once the music came on, I was like oh no. Not R&B music.
Well I endured for a while.
After deciding I couldn't take it anymore I ventured into the 'live' section. Bad mistake. There was this band where
1. Lead singer struggled under the huge weight of a simple tune
2. Guitar amps weren't configured correctly and
3. Guitarists couldn't play.
Yes not very pleasing to the ears.
So I was stuck with either
1. Terrible R&B music which you know my innate dislike for, or
2. Terrible electrical noises emitted by what were proper instruments, and a tone-deaf whiner.
I managed to stagger out of the club, ears smarting from the pain of it all, and managed to get some fresh air before I went back into the sonic-assault room.
And to think I had downed half a glass of vodka orange, some parts of a shot of vodka (don't ask, was forced to drink) and some beer.
Oh the night ended alright though, a different, more professional band had come on in the 'live' section when I revisited it. Had to go after awhile though.
SO this is a formal warning here. I will NOT dance to R&B music, and if you ever attempt to trick me into such a club you are liable to pay for damages to my ears, my brain and I will not be responsible to any physical or mental damage dealt to you in frustration.
I am being absolutely serious here.

I realise I haven't had a decent post for ages, so here's another half-baked one while I revamp my blog. (yup i'll be changing layout and all in the next few weeks - I promise! - before the next academic year starts)
I am currently back in Singapore, have been for a month (almost) now since I came back from Australia.
Yes I was in Australia for a month before that. Visited several interesting places like Sydney, Gold Coast, Tasmania and Melbourne. Yep in that order. Kinda. Sydney was like my base.
Yep so pretty much travelling I've done this past academic year, probably time for some preparation for the next one.
Nothing much has changed, I'd like to think - other than a few additional CDs in my collection, a few more pictures (Pamela, I promise I'll send the pictures to you before end Sept ;p) and much less cash in my bank.
And I'm currently back to rock (think Muse) rather than dance (cue Faithless). Well, mostly.

So please do continue visiting, I know who you are (I do have a stat-tracker ;p) and I do really appreciate you caring about my boring life, random rants and twisted thoughts, and I sincerely hope I have managed to subvert a few minds, subtly influenced a few (chocolate is good for you) and fuelled a few hundred connections in the neural connections of your brain as you've finished this piece of writing.

I am back.

Dear friends,
My laptop's screen isn't working. So I won't be able to blog, or chat, or play games for the next few days.
I think its retribution for using the com so much these few days.
Oh well.

Did you know that long beans make good snacks?
I bought a pack of trimmed long beans (on offer) at Sainsbury's a few days back, and decided to finish it just now. Basically boiled them in water. And just munched on them.
They're really quite nice leh. The crunchiness, flavour and all.
And they're full of vitamins, and provide 1 of your 5 daily servings of fruits and/or vegetables, if you eat enough of 'em.
So yeah, next time you feel like snacking, do keep a look out for long beans. A healthier alternative to that chocolate bar at the side of your computer right now. Which you're looking longingly at.

Of course, when you've finished all the chocs in your room, you have to source for alternative stress-busting foods, don't you?

I realise, for the first time in my life, I'm actually getting stressed for an academic exam. I mean seriously, this is like the first time I actually feel unprepared for one.
I have failed so many exams before, but yet, before each, I'd feel so full of confidence - pseudo-confidence, perhaps, but confidence nonetheless- yet this feeling I have right now...
I'm actually panicking.

Just felt like I should jot this down so I can remember, start of next academic year, or the semester after the next, to start studying right from the beginning.

Gosh. This feeling is scary.

Perhaps many of you have heard of the game Defence Of The Ancients (DOTA). Well it's not really a game in itself - it's modified from a map of Warcraft III. Now basically in the game, there can be up to 10 players (human or computer), 5 on each team, where you're supposed to annihilate the 'base' of the opposing team. You make use of 'heroes', which have various 'abilites' and 'spells' which you can 'cast', to, well, inflict damage on the opponent. You get money from killing 'creeps', or creatures, heroes of the opposing team, as well as from destroying structures the opposing team owns, which you use to buy items to improve your abilities.
So. Quite a few of you know that it's quite a craze amongst Singaporean students here in Manchester. There are like quite a few crazed addicts who play it every day, and even like on the eve of their exams. Me included - well, hopefully I won't play it tomorrow night.
I understand there are a few female readers of this humble blog, who may not understand why us guys (yup most of us crazed addicts are guys, though I do know of a girl who's equally fanatic about it) are so mad about it. I shall attempt to summarise, here, several reasons this is so.

1. It's a guy thing. As in, the testosterone-laden satisfaction of 'killing' somebody you know, being able to brag 'Hey I killed xxx number of heroes just now', and be respected (sorta) for it - its just like any blood-filled PC/video game out on the market this way, except that blood isn't graphically displayed here.
2. It's a team game. Basically puts you in teams where you have to work with your friends (whether you like them or not) and co-operate to achieve certain noble objectives. I'm sure a particular reason why some people like playing against computer opponents (when there aren't any human players, of course) is because it sort of shows some solidarity between the group of you playing in a team. Kinda like reminds me of army. In a weird way.
3. It's a good waste of time. I mean, it is (quite) mindless fun, and we all need to take a break from our studies/work and relax sometimes, right? And playing with others... its not as bad (and it won't make you feel as guilty) as playing some windows-based card game alone right?
4. It's a good use of the high-speed LAN connection that we have here at the University. I mean, since we're paying for it, why not utilise it right? Guess you can say it's a singaporean thing in this sense.

Hope that's a concise summary of the reasons why we play DOTA. If you do feel there are more that I've neglected to mention, please do add your comments. I'd greatly appreciate it.
;)

I realise I still haven't reached that stage of attainment where I can eat and study anatomy (with pictures of course) at the same time.
It still feels quite weird, even whilst eating just chocolate.
I guess I still need to desensitise myself more.
Next up, medium-rare steak while studying blood vessels of the thorax. Bring it on.

Oh, sorry for the (extremely) short posts lately.
In the midst of my exams and don't really feel like writing dissertations on the marvellous properties of helium, or the like.

I suddenly have this urge to read a 小说, a Chinese novel or short story.
Think it's its doing.
Hmm.

Somehow I recall this scene from The Weather Man, where the protagonist's dad tells him, "Like you, I've just gotten good with practice." Or something to the effect.
Do you think its true?
I certainly do.

I realise I'm quite a pessimist.
Before the whole singsoc saga, I was thinking - so what happens next, even if he's gone, will things improve? Will she be strong enough, brave enough, to lead the rest, unbiased by words all around?
Was really quite worried, to be honest.
I realise its too soon to say anything as of yet - nothing's been done, but already I sense a change in the whole atmosphere.
It should have been like that long ago, shouldn't it? Have fun planning for activities, organising them with zest. Not pressure alone.
And since we're now all in it together - there's no dartboard to aim at anymore (albeit a rainbow-coloured over-sized one incessantly shouting 'shoot me!'), let's hope we'll be able to work together despite our differences.
And with people like Sam and I behind, I think it'll work out fine, honestly. Pessimistic thoughts aside.

Don't get lost in the present.
It will all fall in place, one day.

Purpose.

Just have to remind myself sometimes. I realise I'm getting lost amongst all this excitement and fear.

Thoughts of the future creep back into my head.
Clawing at the jaws of sanity
They murmur,
Is he there yet?
Should we masquerade this cup
Of bergamot* we have
His yearnings not yet seen?

*Some researchers contend that bergamot is addictive. Which explains the large following of earl grey-sipping primly ladies who carry frilly umbrellas and wear over-sized hats.

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You see why I dislike poetry? Or pseudo-poetry, or prose masquerading as poetry.
Its so open to interpretation. You can either, from the above,
1. Think I am schizo, and give a detailed explanation why you think so.
2. Critique the piece as
a) An unpolished gem of a work
b) Total rubbish not worth wasting your time on.
3. Regard it as total rubbish anyway AND think I'm getting mad.

I'm still perfectly fine, by the way. Just picking out random words floating around in my brain now. After all, words are but tools to be used and abused, aren't they?
Pesky subjects and messy servants - but wondrous toys, words are.

I realise I need a prod.
A painful kick in the butt to warn me to buck up, or else.

Is it only me or did my brain associate the two.
Not good, this is.
Need to cram more info into my brain. Need to find out more about how the heart and lungs work, and stop this bulls***.

Hurtling into uncertainty
I am
Certain of but one thing
Full-circle this will come
To haunt me.

Interesting ey. The stuff you come up with when you're stressed.

Exams start on Monday.
And yet I have so, so many things on my mind.

I realise I've been hanging out too often with Singaporeans (and Malaysians).
I've lost my pseudo-British accent.
Was speaking, rather, trying to speak, with this elderly half-deaf patient when I realised this.
Not good.