finally watched lost in translation last night. inspired some thoughts on the bus home.
one was the lack of sex between the two main characters. in a typical hollywood movie the two of them would have like had passioniate sex jus before the guy departs right. but there's no sex! (awww - i can jus imagine my army pals going)
but i think its more true. u develop feelings for someone... like him/her... doesnt mean dat u Have to have sex with him/her rite.
but its not jus the sex i thought about lah. it sorta led me to how feelings can easily develop between us hopelessly romantic human beings.
but its how far we allow these feelings between us to go dat really matters, isnt it? im sure we have all liked a certain friend at a certain point in time, but not done anything about it.
y?
perhaps we're jus not ready to decide who we want to spend the rest of our lives with jus yet.
perhaps our widened social circle has exposed us to too many people we think are desirable. so we cant make up our minds.
haha perhaps dat explains the increasing number of chronic singles who date and date and date, and Still remain single. and of course the lack of babies in singapore. :(

had a great day yesterday.
really great day.
did a lot of stuff i'd never tried before. and found dat tanglin mall has quite a number of interesting shops.
and i cant finish 2 pints of beer in 90 mins.
or beat pamela at pool.
:P

but seriously. i'd miss a friend, a girl, who i can like jus meet and have fun with and not hafta worry about anything else. besides having to watch my tongue and not say statements dat might imply anything i dun mean haha.

yeah, keep in regular contact yah? by phone or email or MSN.

i'll never forget my two sisters.

and wun mind another one, to be honest. heh

oh yeah. been wanting to write this for some time now. put it down in my notebook but didnt get a chance to publish it on my blog until now. back when i was doing fire piquet, in fact.

this post is dedicated to my dad. i love him.

Dad drove me to camp today. woke me up too at 550 in the morning.
we didnt talk much during the trip to camp, as usual. i remember all he said was, "So, will you be able to come back this evening?"
I said "no."
We've never said much to each other, you know. he's like fetched me to and back from school... bmt... safti... now nee soon... aside from a few monologues about performing well, giving my best and consoling me when i got out of course from ocs and was real depressed... not a lot, actually.
but i think i have the best dad in the world.
haha sounds like some 5-year-old's proclamation rite?
but how often do you think about it, think about all the things your parents have done for you and appreciate them? thank them for what they've done for us?
perhaps i'll never say this to him (too shy lah), or my mum, too, for that matter.
but i love them. i really do.

'tis been a Reeeeal weird day today.
this morning my sergeant talked to us about relationships. some relationships he had and why he's single now. haha. yeah oops we were supposed to be training heh. dun tell! ^_^
but yeah. dun really wanna repeat wat he said. but i feel most of wat he mentioned is damn true. about trust and stuff.
Then somehow the topic turned to transvestites at orchard towers and changi village.
damn out of point rite???

but dat was ok lah. watched a video on POCM. some casualty management thingy. damn old. 1985. but anyways. someone suggested we watched band of brothers, the episode on the medic. episode 6. and we watched it for about 20 mins jus before we sent arms. heh and hey jem ah dun tell anyone about this k.
but anyways. then jus before booking out, this mrf sergeant screamed at my bunkmates for no reason. ok lah. he thought someone from our bunk shouted 'knees off the ground!' when he was punishing them. prob from platoon 4. but anyways. i resent the fact that when we said we were innocent, he was like, 'i don't care! get the person who shouted that down NOW!'.
f***ing bastard who prob cant even pass his ippt and/or get into sispec thinks he's so great and cant/wont admit his mistake. he's jus a pathetic sergeant lor. Local sergeant, may i humbly add. which makes him jus the same rank as me if he were to go into some other unit.
damnit, i wonder if he even Deserves the rank of a Cpl, he prob doesnt even f***ing know section movements and stuff.
yeah i f***ing HATE such people who 1. don't know their f***ing place in the army and 2. can't admit their mistakes. still makes my blood boil, jus thinking about it.

BUt then. i booked out. went to thomson plaza to buy a birthday present for my sis. and saw this damn chio girl. yeah i think she's Damn pretty i tell ya. not the conventional blonde-beyond-shoulder-length-hair-heavily-made-up-skinny-like-some-starved-ethiopian-and-acts-like-some-slut kinda pretty.
pretty pretty.

aww damn.

a few years ago i woulda said im in love. not too long ago i'd have said im now madly infatuated with her.
but the thing is today im like jus... admiring her beauty. yeah. not thinking about anything else. like wanting to be her boyfriend or sth.

now. i can only think of these few reasons y i dun feel anything.
1. i no longer believe in love at first sight.
2. i don't want to get attached for like jus a short while and break a girl's heart.
3. i know its my hormones that are like egging me on.
4. i have no confidence to go after any girl now.
5. i cant be Bothered to go after any girl now.

and Yet. im desperate for a girlfriend now.

interesting huh.

'Guard yourself against impulses which will induce you to talk too much about your ideas or your problems. Serious circulatory disorders will regress in a spectacular manner. Refrain from all passionate feeling for a person whom you don't yet know well.'

hmm.

saw some stuff last night and this morning. ok people, rather.
while walking home saw this family in the park. old grandma in a wheelchair. maid looking bored. middle-aged couple jus relaxing with her. acs grandson walking home and greeted enthusiastically by his cute dog.
on the mrt there was this forlorn-looking lady holding a bouquet of flowers on the mrt. going back home, i should think.
at the jazz bar, i saw this girl furtively writing... notes? diary entries? a v-day card? on these pieces of tissue paper.
and oh yah. the bassist of the band was playing a 5-string bass. some guy from creative. nice guitar, man. damn nice.
oh yeah this morning i saw two couples. and a father with his daughter. these two couples. one was like my age. both guy and girl. the other was this rather old couple. old grandfather-like figure with a crutch and his wife supporting him.

made me think about stuff. relationships. no not just guy-girl relationships. musician-audience relationships. grandparent-grandchild relationships. parent-child relationships. u know, the like.
its interesting, u know, what you can see around you when you really observe. take time to 'smell the roses', they say.

and oh yeah. a note to myself. i Need to remember why i want to do well in this course. yep so i got 45 out of 50 for this first test.
i'll need to do as well, if not better, in the next test.
'cause i love wat i'm doing now.
i want to become a combat spec.
i want to prove to myself that my fire will not fizz out as it has done in the past. yeah. its always been a spectacular result for the first test - then everything goes downhill from there.
that will Not happen this time.

but oh yeah. i think i've Really become more desperate. for a mate that is. no. not physical mate :P a soulmate. yeah know it wouldnt last and stuff but i dunno lah. this afternoon after taking the test we were like damn free... some guys were reading FHM. the steph song issue. (oh yeah did i mention i dun really find her hot? i dunno Y so many guys are like so crazy about her. she's like jus... normal? i mean ok lah. jus a bit more chio. so wat. ???)
but anyways. yeah. i wasnt in the Least interested at all lor. steph song... paris hilton... some actresses or models trying to look hot... i dunno lah. maybe i've been affected by the book i've jus read. tony parsons's man and wife. haha yeah i know its a crap book but somehow i feel like i can relate to the guy. there's this part where he says something about searching for a feeling that i've experienced before. jus... yeah. trying to get that feeling again. and again. and again.
jus hafta ignore this yearning. its jus Not gonna do anything for me man.
i'm lucky i havent experienced that feeling again jus yet.
ironic isnt it. i know its not gonna do any good to me, yet i still want it.
sigh. i think its jus my hormones talking lah.

i've got my bass guitar!!!
i've got my bass guitar!!!
haha i've finally got it! the 500 bucks, comes with an amp and tuner, (oxygenated) blood red colour one. cant have the chance to try it though. amp has some weird 3-pin thingy. hafta go buy some adaptor or multi-plug. sigh.
but i've got meself a bass!!!!!
heh

haha had a fun walk today. jungle trail, sentosa. u should try it lah, especially at night. with a girl.
was dared by a girl to walk in it today. yeah. that's right. She dared Me. haha.
kinda reminded me of tekong lah. section field camp, i think. walking in the dark... cant see where you're going... good wide track for u to walk on, though. wont get your shoes dirty.
but im sidetracking. thing is, its fun walking such dark places with a girl. can scare her. haha.
anyways.
oh yah let's welcome a new reader of my blog!!!! *cheers* yay!!!!! ^_^
another person who's gonna know my *other* side. my not-so-often revealed side.
And. i got a new teacher. to teach me how to... be a dependable guy. haha. only thing is i dun have anyone to show how dependable i am lor. not interested in any girls i know now lah :P
and another thing. im doing fire piquet tomorrow!!!!!!! aaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!! under sgt bakar!!!!! aaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!! ok lah i know he's not dat bad a guy lah. but still. aaaaaah!!!!!!!
i hate duties man. so unfair. jus because im the first bed And am in the first section i hafta kana like such stuff. so suay rite??? kau.

jus hafta put this down. saw Lots of flowers today. think its kinda fun, choosing... picking... arranging flowers. i mean, ok lah it Seems fun. heh maybe one day i'll show off my flower-arranging skills to a gal and impress her with my excellent taste. haha

oh yah. had lunch with some bunkmates today. prata at the prata place. damn good prata there i tell u. its Very crispy! almost melts in ur mouth. and oh yah did i mention i went there back when i still was a TSS at ATW? had thosai then. another must try. Damn nice. the sauces.
but dats not the important thing. jus realised something u know. its like... i've not made any real close friends in the army so far. its like... i've made many friends, yes, but none that i can really be myself, i guess. no its like im putting on a fake front or sth. its jus dat. i havent felt anyone could be a really close friend? its the environment i think. u've gotta get along well with everyone... to find jus a few friends who can hit it off with ya.. its jus difficult, i think. argh. dun know how to express my thoughts.
oh yah. an example. i have this bunk mate who i would Never associate with if im still in jc. he's. 1. chao geng. 2. selfish. 3. thinks he's damn good when he jus. can't make it lah, in my opinion. but cause he's my bunkmate and is gonna be for the next 2 more months i cant jus like ignore him or something. argh.

ok i've bought it. the other guitar dat is. dat comes with an amp, a tuner and some stuff. 480 bucks gone. had to borrow 300 from my sis. will hafta repay her on my next payday.
aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sigh.

oh yah i finally bought a bass guitar. on ebay. 346 sing dollars. was damn f-ed up man. 100 US dollars for shipping. thought i got it for a steal at 75 US. damnit. there goes my angbow money.
and thats not the worst part. i've bid for another bass. dat one comes with an amp. 170 US. excluding the cost of shipping. if i really get it, i'm broke for the next month.
anyone wants to buy a bass?

Commisioning parade's in 3 days time. this wed man. this wed.
its not a nice feeling, wat im experiencing now, u know.
it damn right sucks man.
and im gonna feel worse as the day approaches. i'd feel damn f***ed up man.
i know, no matter how much i say about it being ok and all - heck, there are more things in life than being an officer and even if i were to become one i'd have been put in some crap job - its... it jus doesnt feel good, u know. like. u've sorta failed when others have succeeded. i can like convince myself dat the reason i failed was 'cause my physical fitness wasn't up there with the rest, yeah i mean average soc timing of 8 mins on the very first test compared to mine 10:27 after so many bloody retests... their aiming for gold... 9:45 2.4 runs compared to my trying so damn hard jus to pass... but the thing is. it doesnt matter that much to me now.
i still feel damn f-ed up.
argh f it man. i'm meeting up with my sec school friends... close friends... sister... i guess there Shuold be enough reasons to like brighten up my week ahead, right?
argh. f it.

today is chinese new year! and i dun hafta visit relatives!!! can slack at home haha. good thing is i've still got quite a lot of money from the relatives who have come visiting heh heh. visiting malaysia tomorrow. i think. suddenly having second thoughts abt the trip. i mean the chances of it happening. usually mum will be like packing stuff frantically the afternoon before the trip. its afternoon now though and nothing's happening.
its jus like any sunday u know. the feeling. jus slacking at home... only diff is i have new clothes on me! the shirt i bought at far east! yeah! and the pants i bought at jurong point. u know, each piece of clothing i buy... reminds me of something. i can like remember every shirt and/or pants i bought... when i bought them i mean. the circumstances. the place. not gone shopping alot lah. heh. did i mention i hate shopping? ok lah not really. jus.. dislike it lah. havent got the hang of it yet. wait i Dun want to get the hang of it. :P

got poked on thursday!!! damn pain sia. thing was my buddy missed both times. ur supposed to strike a vein and infuse some solution into ur buddy lah see. u inject the other one when u miss once. then u inject some other poor guy who thought he got lucky when his buddy struck his vein the first time. haha.
but it was ok lah the experience. experienced like. Extreme pain man. no blood. jus sore muscles. Damn sore muscles. excruciating pain. oh wait. did i say it was ok? it was Not ok. damn pain.
Damn pain.
but the week was ok lah. its like... returning to school. except that all u learn is bio. more practical stuff. good stuff. like cpr. so next time i see a babe at the beach who's almost drowned i can perform cpr on her and be the object of her eternal indebtedness. haha.
oh yah! i learned cpr for infants too. very cute. the baby mannequins i mean. they're like so... cuddly! besides the heads which are damn heavy lah. reminds me of mrs teo's and mrs ng's baby girls. damn cute!!!!! ^_^

i really cant believe this week's horoscope came true. the thing about personal stuff affecting my concentration in the early week. grandad got sent to hospital for a fall. then meeting an important person in my life in late week. i jus went playing mahjong.
it was like... in the car where she sent me to the bus-stop, i felt completely at ease. u know when u meet people of the opposite sex there tends to have like this... tension in the air? at least for me lah. but in the car, with jus the two of us... i felt a complete lack of it. it was as though... yah. my sis (if she could drive) or mum was sending me home or sth. i didnt like feel the need to talk, to force conversation, or stuff.
i only have this familiar feeling when with my family or close friends, normally of the same sex, usually.
i guess... we're sorta fated lah, to meet each other. no i dont think we would ever become a couple, but hey. that feeling transcends like romance lor. i really wouldnt mind having a sworn-sister or sth, like my dad has a sworn brother. i feel like i could really be her brother, u know.

da course is starting tomorrow!!!! no more blogging for me.
not if they really confine us for the first two weeks.
see ya next sat.

i jus attended this Fantastic gathering!!! ok so i sorta crashed it, wasnt my pri school class's one, but hey it was great!!!
it was like... haha i actually know so many ex-6c guys/gals! then they were like quite ok too. haha it was great, basically!!! cant describe the euphoria i'm feeling now. haha nevermind